Puķītes
Posted by kochka on 2016.01.12 at 02:14"The most relevant example for enjoyment without the craving to have what one enjoys may be found in interpersonal relations. A man and a woman may enjoy each other on many grounds; each may like the other's attitudes, tastes, ideas, temperament, or whole personality. Yet only in those who must have what they like will this mutual enjoyment habitually result in the desire for sexual possession. For those in a dominant mode of being, the other person is enjoyable, and even erotically attractive, but she or he does not have to be "plucked," to speak in terms of Tennyson's poem,in order to be enjoyed.
Having-centered persons want to have the person they like or admire. This can be seen in relations between parents and their children, between teachers and students, and between friends. Neither partner is satisfied simply to enjoy the other person; each wishes to have the other person for him- or herself. Hence, each is jealous of those who also want to "have" the other. Each partner seeks the other like a ship-wrecked sailor seeks a plank—for survival. Predominantly "having" relationships are heavy, burdened, filled with conflicts and jealousies.
Speaking more generally, the fundamental elements in the relation between individuals in the having mode of existence are competition,antagonism, and fear. The antagonistic element in the having relationship stems from its nature. If having is the basis of my sense of identity because "I am what I have," the wish to have must lead to the desire to have much,to have more, to have most. In other words, greed is the natural outcome of the having orientation. It can be the greed of the miser or the greed of the profit hunter or the greed of the womanizer or the man chaser."
Erich Fromm "To Have or to Be?"
Having-centered persons want to have the person they like or admire. This can be seen in relations between parents and their children, between teachers and students, and between friends. Neither partner is satisfied simply to enjoy the other person; each wishes to have the other person for him- or herself. Hence, each is jealous of those who also want to "have" the other. Each partner seeks the other like a ship-wrecked sailor seeks a plank—for survival. Predominantly "having" relationships are heavy, burdened, filled with conflicts and jealousies.
Speaking more generally, the fundamental elements in the relation between individuals in the having mode of existence are competition,antagonism, and fear. The antagonistic element in the having relationship stems from its nature. If having is the basis of my sense of identity because "I am what I have," the wish to have must lead to the desire to have much,to have more, to have most. In other words, greed is the natural outcome of the having orientation. It can be the greed of the miser or the greed of the profit hunter or the greed of the womanizer or the man chaser."
Erich Fromm "To Have or to Be?"