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[Aug. 26th, 2008|02:03 pm] |
As I watched my friend being buried alive under that pile of get well cards, flowers and stuffed toys, I realized that you can indeed be killed by kindness. Paul B.
Shakespeare wrote, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." I'm guessing the Bard never met a 4-year-old playing a harmonica. Blair Bostick
The Top Rejected Marketing Slogans for the World's Fastest Supercomputer
- "Why Yes, I *Can* Do That, Dave!" - "You deserve a quintillion breaks today." - Click, click, whizz, whizz, oh what a fast compile it is." - "Snap! Crackle! Boom!" - "When it absolutely, positively, has to be there in a nanosecond." - "Good to the last FLOP." - "It just keeps going, and going, and...oh, wait, it's done." - "It takes a booting and keeps on computing." - "The ultimate dividing machine."
The Top Horror License Plates, Redux
- Dracula: UR MYTYP - Hannibal Lecter: 8 SOME 1 - Leatherface: I SAW U - Tippi Hedren: NICE PEX - Wolfman: NITEHOWL - Bruce Cambell: BOOMSTIK - Zombie: I8URMAMA - Norman Bates: MAMASBOY
The Top Signs You're Working Too Hard
- Last week alone, you put two robots out of work. - Everyone comments on the artistic nature of your Leaning Tower of Empty Cup Noodles. - You keep dozing off at your job at the meth lab. - You desperately want to spend more time with your kids, so you hire them as interns. - Your "vacation" this summer? Telecommuting from home -- but you wore shorts! - You get a bad case of tennis elbow -- because of your job as a fluffer. - Your boss even refuses to give you time off to attend your own funeral. - You drop the kids off at daycare on the way in, and pick them up from junior high on the way home. - You've somehow managed to convince yourself the evening traffic *finally* eases up around 1:00 a.m. - In what might be a first, your company fired all those overpaid bastards in Bangalore and "insourced" the entire operation to you. - Your unborn child is diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome. - Your wife now goes to couples therapy with her vibrator.
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