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Aug. 26th, 2008|02:03 pm |
As I watched my friend being buried alive under that pile of get well cards, flowers and stuffed toys, I realized that you can indeed be killed by kindness.
Paul B.
Shakespeare wrote, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." I'm guessing the Bard never met a 4-year-old playing a harmonica.
Blair Bostick
The Top Rejected Marketing Slogans for the World's Fastest Supercomputer
- "Why Yes, I *Can* Do That, Dave!"
- "You deserve a quintillion breaks today."
- Click, click, whizz, whizz, oh what a fast compile it is."
- "Snap! Crackle! Boom!"
- "When it absolutely, positively, has to be there in a nanosecond."
- "Good to the last FLOP."
- "It just keeps going, and going, and...oh, wait, it's done."
- "It takes a booting and keeps on computing."
- "The ultimate dividing machine."
The Top Horror License Plates, Redux
- Dracula: UR MYTYP
- Hannibal Lecter: 8 SOME 1
- Leatherface: I SAW U
- Tippi Hedren: NICE PEX
- Wolfman: NITEHOWL
- Bruce Cambell: BOOMSTIK
- Zombie: I8URMAMA
- Norman Bates: MAMASBOY
The Top Signs You're Working Too Hard
- Last week alone, you put two robots out of work.
- Everyone comments on the artistic nature of your Leaning Tower of Empty Cup Noodles.
- You keep dozing off at your job at the meth lab.
- You desperately want to spend more time with your kids, so you hire them as interns.
- Your "vacation" this summer? Telecommuting from home -- but you wore shorts!
- You get a bad case of tennis elbow -- because of your job as a fluffer.
- Your boss even refuses to give you time off to attend your own funeral.
- You drop the kids off at daycare on the way in, and pick them up from junior high on the way home.
- You've somehow managed to convince yourself the evening traffic *finally* eases up around 1:00 a.m.
- In what might be a first, your company fired all those overpaid bastards in Bangalore and "insourced" the entire operation to you.
- Your unborn child is diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome.
- Your wife now goes to couples therapy with her vibrator.
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