Notices posted on church bulletin boards.

• Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
• Thursday night - Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
• For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
• The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
• This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
• Wednesday the Ladies' Liturgy Group will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing, "Put Me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the Pastor.
• Thursday at 5:00 PM, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
• The service will close with, "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
• Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  

Signs written in English that were found posted in foreign countries.

• From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 150,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
• A modestly priced Tokyo hotel: Hotel guests are requested not to steal towels from their rooms. If you are the kind of person who would not do such a thing, please do not read this message.
• On a medicine bottle: Adults: 1 tablet 3 times a day until passing away"
• This is a blurb from a chocolate bar wrapper: Soft and mild, like a Japanese woman. Good flavor and full of juice.
• In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.\
• On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
• In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
• Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summer suit. Because is big rush, we will execute customers in strict rotation.
• In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
• In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
• In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
• In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
• In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
• In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
• In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
• On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
• On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.\
• In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
• A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other or that purpose.
• In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.\
• In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
• In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
• In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
• Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
• In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream.
• In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
• In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
• In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
• In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
• In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
• In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
• From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
• From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
  

Dažādi, no visādiem forumiem

•  It is curious how often mistranslations take on a life of their own. A great many words in English came into the language mistranslated, and are still being used today. in the original story, Cinderella wore (in French) "une pantoufle en vair" (a fur slipper). Because the word "vair" was uncommon, the 17th century French translator thought it was "verre" (glass). Ever since then, Cinderella has worn glass slippers in the story.
•  October 8, 1996 (and numerous web sites), Matsushita Electric was promoting a Japanese PC for internet users. It came with a Japanese Web browser courtesy of Panasonic. Panasonic had licensed the cartoon character "Woody Woodpecker" as the "Internet guide.
• The day before a huge marketing campaign was to begin, Panasonic stopped the product launch. The reason: the ads featured the slogan "Touch Woody - The Internet Pecker." An American at the internal product launch explained to the stunned and embarrassed Japanese what "touch woody" and "pecker" meant in American slang
• IKEA sells a workbench as the FARTFULL. Although Ikea's webpage says FARTFULL is not for sale on the web, I still enjoy recommending it as the perfect gift suggestion for various people.
• Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux. There used to be a poster for this right next to the Torpoint Ferry - someone wrote on it : "I do - ring Julie on 99943289"
• My very own special favourite is "she was in a tit fight", when it should have been "a tight fit".
• dead people instead of deaf people...Why do they put the D and the F right next to each other???I regularly do work for an Association for the Deaf.Nowadays I always do a Search Replace All at the end of each job, just in case...
  

Garais pastāsts par mutisko tulkošanua alias "Svētās šausmas"

Two interpreters are in the booth, at a hotel in Miami, for a Human Resources conference. The speaker, Mr. Tomodashi from Tokyo, is at the podium. He has sent a message before his arrival advising the organisers that he will address the conference in English and that no Japanese interpreters will be necessary; that his English version need only be translated into Spanish for the Latin-Americans in the audience. His subject: Relationships between workers from different castes in Japan. He smiles, clears his throat, takes a sip of water and speaks: \"Sank you werymoch. Ai mos provai you wi\' a detaiurld (detailed) espranation of urelashoship betooeen brukarawaka and wacarawaka in Japan.\" In the booth, the interpreter who has the microphone considers this first phrase and begins to interpret: \"Muchísimas gracias. Debo proveerles una explicación detallada sobre la relación entre los.\" (aqui hace silencio y se pregunta: ¿Qué carajo es un brukarawaka y, ya que me lo estoy preguntado, que mierda es un wacarawaka!!!???) No hay tiempo para decifrar lo que pudiera ser. Su colega en la cabina ofrece sólo aquella mirada de labio inferior caído, hombros encogidos y palmas hacia el cielo, que dice \"A mi que me registren!!!\" The speaker continues and is by now describing the daily, practical difficulties that HR managers in his country face when it comes to brukarawakas and wacarawakas. The interpreter has to make a decision, time is of the essence and his/her short term memory is being tasked to its limit as he/she stores the information the speaker has uttered since the appearance of the brukarawaka/wacarawaka brick wall. In fact, the speaker has not stopped speaking and is hurrying on with his dissertation. Numbers, names of cities and governmental agencies roll off his tongue like bowling balls thrown by professionals at the world bowling championship trials. He has Power Point slides by the dozen, but none that would help the interpreters decipher his meaning of these two fateful words. He barrels along, not at a clip, not at a considerable speed, but with abandon. A suicidal helter skelter, headlong rush towards self-immolation by verb conjugation. For all else, his presentation is complete, informative and well researched. He is very good and very fast. \"You mus unastan, brukarawaka urive this pa\' Tokyo (points to the right). Wacarawaka urive this pa´ Tokyo. (points to the left). Brukarawaka haf much purobrem wi´ Porice an wacarawaka, wer. no so much purobrem wi´ Porice bot much domesic wiorence.\" At this point, the interpreter has decided, by default, that the brukarawakas and the wacarawakas are two ethnic groups in Japan who, to this date, were unknown to this interpreter. There can be no other explanation. Light! Illumination! Of course. O.K. Let\'s get to work, thinks the interpreter: The interpreter releases the cough cut button and issues this rendition: Deben comprender que los brukarawaka viven en esta parte de Tokyo y los wacarawaka viven en aquella parte de Tokyo. Los brukarawaka tienen muchos problemas con las autoridades de policia y los wacarawaka, no tanto problemas con la policia, sino más bien problemas de violencia doméstica.\" The interpreter continues using this rendition for brukarawakas and wakarawakas throughout the speaker\'s address almost to its conclusion, but then, from another conference room at the same venue, a colleague stops by to say a quick hello to his friends. He stands behind the booth and listens to the rendition above. Brukarawaka, wacarawaka, Kobe, Hokkaido. He suddenly realises that his colleagues have mis-heard the speaker, that they been confused by a strong accent, and he quickly whispers a correction: \"No, no!!!\" he whispers urgently, \"Not brukarawakas and wacarawakas. It\'s Blue Collar Workers and White Collar Workers!!!\". There is nothing to be done for the gaffe. It\'s too late! The damage is done by now. All that is left is for the interpreter to let the audience know that a mistake has been made and that they should be advised that brukarawaka and wacarawaka should be understood to mean Blue Collar workers and White Collar workers. But, alas, the interpreter chooses the least appropriate moment to apologise to the audience for the error. The correction is made as the honourable speaker is leaving the stage and walking towards the steps. The listeners hear the interpreter say: \"Con el permiso de los asistentes, solicitamos nos disculpen por un error cometido y en lugar de brukarawakas y wacarawakas, sepan que el caballero se refería a trabajadores manuales u obreros, conocidos como trabajadores de cuello azul y a trabajadores de cuello blanco. Ofrecemos nuestras más sinceras disculpas, gracias.\" The audience, having sat through the presentation with the gravest of expressions on their collective faces, as if understanding what they were hearing through their recievers, for the last 30 minutes. \".the brukarawakas this and the wacarawakas that,.\" á la \"Emperor´s New Clothes\", realise the fools they have been and, all at the exact same time, burst into a loud, conference room-wide guaffaw. They\'re rolling in the aisles, laughing primarily at themselves. They slap their thighs, they wipe tears from their eyes and look at each other and laugh even louder than before. The speaker cannot understand. 150 HR managers after having quietly sat through his dissertation, some even taking notes, all suddenly find his presentation so hilarious. He is irate and confused at the same time. His breeding does not allow expressions of outrage. Still wearing the lapel microphone, he asks the next speaker approaching the stage for an explanation. \"Why dey uraf? Wha\' so fonny??\". No answer but the drooping lower lip, the shrugged shoulders and the palms to the sky. There is nothing to be done.