| šodien jau pietiekami daudz sarakstīju.. |
[Aug. 30th, 2010|02:06 am] |
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Lisa was feeling suicidal again, but what was worse - she was feeling lonely too, because her imaginary fish Fiona died of hunger that morning. In fact this sad event was quiet predictable, Lisa kept forgetting to feed her ever since she made her up. She used her to have somebody to listen to her sorrows and drastically depressive ideas.
So this day being the saddest day of the month Lisa decided to finally kill herself to prevent herself of feeling suicidal tomorrow or the day after that. She went into her bathroom..
After sitting on the cold tiled floor with a razor in her fingers and loosing courage every second for 17 minutes, she stood up and decided to have a walk thinking that a breath of fresh air might clear her head and help her think straight.
It was 11 o'clock, the time Lisa's mother called 'dog time', the time when all dogs of the neighborhood felt a sudden urge to urinate and their owners were obliged to oblige them. Lisa didn't have a dog, her mother hated those friendly creatures due to some unhealed psychological trauma she got as a child, but Lisa always wanted one. And today walking between these happy a-human-&-a-dog couples she felt an outcast, irrevocably that led her to create one for herself. At first she thought about making herself a big dog like a husky or a malamute, but in the end she settled on a beagle. And there he was right in from of her - a friendly, jumping and tail-wagging beagle boy named Mortimer. He was a lively type, so Lisa took him to the park where they spent half of the day playing and running and barking together, which made them so tired that the other half of the day they spent laying on the grass. Lisa was stroking dogs shiny soft belly, when a voice made her jump:
- What are you doing?
Lisa looked up and saw a boy, probably a bit younger than herself, but you can never really tell it with boys they are such strange creatures. She has always been repulsed by talking to people, especially strangers, but the boy didn't go away like most people did when she ignored them, he just stood there and looked her right into the eyes.
- I'm.. I'm.. I'm stroking my dog. - she proclaimed defiantly.
- What is his name?
Lisa was puzzled not only didn't the boy get scared of her madness, but he even took part in it.
- M-Mortimer.
- Hmm. And what kind of a dog is he?
- It's a beagle.
- Cool, I like beagles.
- Hey, what do you think you're doing?! - the boy was sitting down right next to her. - Don't you have anything else to do? Anywhere to be?
- No, not really. I just wanted to stroke him to. And you seemed in need of a friend.
- Well, it seemed wrong! I don't need anyone!
- O-key, it's better to ask than die unknowing. - He was standing up already, but..
- Why did you say that?
- What?
- 'Die'?
- I don't know no particular reason.
- Just like that, then?
- Yeah.
- Hmm.. Do you often think of death,.. sorry, what was..
- Colin.
- Lisa. - a weird and clumsy sort of a handshake followed. - So do you often think of death, Colin?
- Nop.
- Ever?
- No, never thought of it.
- That's strange.. I thought everybody does. At least I do think of it. Well not really of death itself, mostly of not-existing, not having to feel anything, solve problems, listen to critics.. et cetera, et cetera.
They went on talking and talking, well Lisa did. She had never felt that elevated before, she never new that talking to somebody, who able to respond back, was that pleasant. It was getting chilly outside and they had to get back to their lives. They exchanged hugs and phone numbers and off they were.
Lisa was happy, he hopped all the way home on one leg, totally forgetting to fetch Mortimer, who fortunately was clever enough to follow her. At home she baked some real bacon and eggs for herself and imaginary - for Mortimer, instead of eating the leftovers of the old pizza she ordered decades ago. After that she even made some cookies while dancing and singing round the kitchen. Before falling asleep she even read a book and smilingly switch off the light in anticipation of a good day.
She woke up at 3 a.m. not able to comprehend what it was that had woken her, then she distinguished her cell ringing in the back pocket of her jeans.
- Hell..o..
- Lisa?
- Yeah, who's that?
- That's Colin.
- Colin?! Is something wrong? What happened? - suddenly she was wide awake.
- No, nothing happened.
- Do you know what time it is, then?
- Yeah, I'm sorry. I just wanted to say, that I lied to you.
- Lied..? What do you mean?
- I do think of death. I think of it every minute, every second.
- Why?
- Why what? Why do I think of it? Or why did I lie?
- Why do you think of it?
- Because.. because it is a constant part of my life. I'm sick, Lisa. I'm very sick.
- But.. but you seemed alright.. I don't understand. You can't be sick!
- I have a severe heart failure and a rare blood type.
- But you're so young! There must be a way. You must on top of some list.
- I could be, but I spoiled it. I've been using drugs for 2 years. Nobody wants to give a heart, that could say a good person, to a drug-addict. Psh. They know I don't deserve it..
- But you do! You're a good person.
- No.
- You were good to me!
- First time something like that happened to me. I just walked through the park and saw you, and you looked so miserable that I felt my heart squeeze. Til that moment the only person I felt sorry about was myself, you set me free. And I came down to you, to share my freedom and serenity with you, I never meant to sit there for hours, never meant to like you and to become your friend.
- Why are you telling me this?
- Because I think I'm gonna die tonight and I wanted to..
- Stop it! You're not going to die!
- Oh, Lisa. Don't do this harder for me! I was having those arrhythmia attacks and it's hard to breathe.
- You must call an ambulance! Where do you live?
- You're so funny! I don't want to die in weeks being bedbound. I'm ready to go. I just wanted to say goodbye and thank you for listening.. and talking.
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- Lisa? You still there?
- ye-ahh.
- Oh, don't cry!
- I can't.
- Then promise me one thing..
- Whatever you ask.
- Promise me, you'll go on living, no more suicidal ideas. Live for us both.
- I promise.
- And one more thing - say goodbye to Mortimer from me.
- I will.
- Good, then..
- Colin,
- Yeah?
- Thank you to too. For everything.
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