Aufidius: Know thou first
I loved the maid I married; never man
Sigh'd truer breath; but that I see thee here,
Thou noble thing! More dances my rapt heart
Than when I first my wedded mistress saw
Bestride my threshold.

-- Coriolanus, Act IV Scene v, Lines 116-121

Or, translated into bro-speak: Dude, I'm totally into my wife and all, but looking at your sick abs and rockin' body, I'm seriously hornier than I was when I had sex with my wife for the first time.

Aufidius: Thou has beat me out
Twelve several times, and I have nightly since
Dreamt of encounters 'twixt myself and me;
We have been down together in my sleep
Unbuckling helms, fisting each other's throat
And waked half dead with nothing.

-- Coriolanus, Act IV scene v, Lines 124-129

Translated: You've beaten me out ... in combat 12 times, and every night afterward I had raging boner wet dreams about you and me getting our sweat-wrestle on, fisting each other's ... throats, and afterward I woke up "half-dead" (post orgasm) "with nothing" (boner depleted, covered in my own love-juice).


They vow to attack Rome together, and literally leave the stage hand in hand. This is basically like if Batman and the Joker decided about two hours into The Dark Knight to call their whole blood feud off and open a day spa together.


( 6 most wtf (or, as in this case - ftw) moments from shakespeare plays )