es gribu paarveersties milziigaa, brutaalaa puukjii, kursh ar dazhiem spaarnu veezieniem vareetu paarlaisties rinjkjii zemeslodei, un ar aukstasiniigu reecienu spljaujot uguni sadedzinaat sho sapuvusho, derdzekli no pasaules. un tad, kad viss buus nodedzis, tikai dazhi pussadegushi, asinjaini, leeveraini izdziivotaaji akli un raustiidamies kaarpiisies indiigi kuuposhajos sodreejos, es izshljaakshu paar visu pasauli ruugtas gljotas, kas momentaani visu, kas ir dziivs noparalizees, un tad paarveertiis akmenii cietaakaa par dimantu. un man nebuus zheel pat vistrauslaakas rozhlapinjas vai kakjeena, jo es esmu nojuudzies maniaks.

vieniigie, ko es savaakshu chupinjaa un cauri kosmosam uz saviem spaarniem aizlidinaashu uz citu planeetu, kas ir paradiize un kur ir tikai neizbeegama eksistenciaala eiforija, ir mana gjimene

aizgaaju noskatiities Arrival, which kind of blew my mind a little. man praataa paraadiijaas formula:

theoretical physics + kindness + successful communication = survival = happiness

shim nedaudz jau pieskaaraas filma Interstellar, bet luudzu luudzu taisiet veel un veel filmas, kas ir kaa dziesma kvantu un teoreetiskajai fizikai, kur taa miiloshi apvij rokas cilveeka eksistencei un apzinjas fenomenam un speejaam.

visbreecoshaakaa doma, kas dega praataa: protams, tas ir neiespeejami, ka intelektuaali superatiistiitas, inteligjentas buutnes (kas ir priekshnoteikums long distance space travel) buutu ljaunas, ko taadu var padomaat tikai cilveeks, kuraa tumsoniibas ljaunuma nezaales brangi zelj veel shobaltdien.

veel es atsaaku skatiities Rectify, kas ir mans miiljaakais seriaals. it touched my vulnerable heart truly, madly, deeply. es pastaaviigi juutos kaa Daniels Holdens, lai arii nepatiesi apsuudzeets 20 gadus neeamu pavadiijis cietumaa solitary confinement. ielikshu visceral citaatu:

'When you are alone with yourself all the time, with no one but yourself. You begin to go deeper and deeper into yourself until you loose yourself. It’s a perverse contradiction. It’s like your ego begins to disintegrate until you have no ego. Not in the sense that you become humble or gain some kind of perspective, but that you literally loose your sense of self. And I’m not sure if anyone, unless they have gone through it can truly understand how profound that loss is. It’s like the psychic glue that binds your whole notion of existence is gone and you become unglued. I think therefore I am, I think too much therefore I am not. I am not therefore I am nothing therefore I am dead and if I am dead then why I am still so goddamn lonely?'