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[Sep. 25th, 2010|10:31 pm] |
Smuki: ( 16+ ) |
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[Sep. 25th, 2010|08:23 pm] |
No @5tevenw twiterī:
It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more vodka.
"To Do Is To Be" - Socrates, "To Be Is To Do" - Plato, "Do Be Do Be Do" - Sinatra, "Ya Ba Da Ba Do" - Flintstone
My father always told me, "Be bold! Don't be italic."
When you think all the way back to being sperm, we are all winners.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
Getting old is like a haunted house. There are sounds and smells that can't be explained
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
I put the sex in dyslexia!!
When life gives you melons, you know you’re dyslexic.
I hate being bi-polar. It's awesome.
Worry is like a rocking chair; it keeps you busy, but gets you nowhere.
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. |
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[Sep. 25th, 2010|11:24 am] |
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Eiropa latviešu acīm: ( ... tālāk ... ) |
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[Sep. 22nd, 2010|03:46 pm] |
Никто тебя не слушает, пока не ошибёшься.
Если близкие люди перестали обниматься, значит у них за пазухой камни.
С возрастом, дни рождения доставляют большую радость, когда они чужие.
Специалист, отвечающий за безопасность атомной станции, сказал «пиз*ец» из-за вытекшей в кармане ручки. Но 15 человек все рано поседели.
Согласно данным Центрального похоронного бюро, число безработных в стране продолжает стабильно сокращаться.
Во время падения звезды подросток не успел определиться с желанием и на следующий день стал обладателем многоскоростного велосипеда с сиськами.
Любая серьезная попытка ввести всеобщее равенство, наталкиваясь на обусловленную законами природы неизбежность неравенства в обществе, в результате сводится к процессу отправки как можно большего числа людей туда, где все люди абсолютно равны. То есть, на кладбище.
- Почему нет секса в государственных учреждениях?
- Да все работники - родственники!
( ... tālāk ... ) |
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[Sep. 22nd, 2010|03:41 pm] |
No @5tevenw twiterī:
Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that's where you get shitty ideas from
BREAKING NEWS - Announcing merger of MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter, it is to be called MY FACE YOU TWIT.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
I danced like no one was watching. Court date is pending...
Wife was watching cooking show, I said ''Why are you watching that! You don't know how to cook?''. She said ''Well you watch porn!''
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
I have CDO. It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but in alphabetical order as it should be.
Difference between complete and finished? If you've a beautiful girlfriend life is complete, wife finds out, you're finished.
I'm hung like Einstein and smart as a horse.
Jesus says to John, "Come forth and I shall give you eternal life"....John came in fifth...He won a toaster.
People who hate hand gestures: I salute you. |
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[Sep. 17th, 2010|09:04 pm] |
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Video: Auč! |
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[Sep. 17th, 2010|09:01 pm] |
No @5tevenw twiterī:
Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can't even spell.
The only personal growth I've had this year is around my waistline.
Do strippers have nightmares about accidentally going to work fully clothed?
I have a multiple personality disorder and so do I. |
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[Sep. 17th, 2010|02:45 am] |
After 40 years in an abusive relationship, I finally found the courage to tell myself to f**k off.
After 4 years of collagen injections, shouldn't I have a degree or something?
Can you buy those hotel "Do not disturb" signs? I want one to wear as a necklace.
I think it's pretty pointless to pee in the shower to save water by flushing the toilet less. The real savings are generated by BATHING in the toilet.
I don't think I could ever be "born again," like some of those Evangelicals I see. I don't remember much from the first time, but umbilical cords freak me out, and I seriously doubt my mom would go for it.
I was out buying groceries when this creep started following me around with one hand holding his manly part in his pants. Gone are the days when a girl can walk out of the house naked without being bothered.
And so I left Cape Canaveral wiser than I had arrived. Maybe I hadn't gotten Jeff Gordon's autograph, but I had learned that NASA and NASCAR are not the same thing, and in the long run, that was probably more valuable.
The warmth and comfort I feel when I wear my aviator jacket on cold winter days is just enough to tip the balance away from the guilt I feel over those poor aviators who were killed for their pelts.
Guns don't kill people. People who use guns to shoot off the locks of cages at the animal shelter and release a horde of rabid raccoons that quickly beelines for a Dumpster outside the adjacent daycare at pick-up time, causing panic so wild coverage of it takes up the first 10 minutes of the local evening news do. But the doc said Grandma's heart was about to give out soon anyway.
No TopFive.com |
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[Sep. 17th, 2010|02:45 am] |
Литературную премию 2009 года в номинации "лучший фантастический рассказ" завоевала ГИБДД за рассказ о ДТП на Ленинском проспекте с участием автомобиля ЛукОйла.
- О! А мы уже свадебный торт разрезали!
- Как разрезали?! Из него же тёща должна была выпрыгивать!
Приходит мужик домой в 2 часа ночи, пьяный. Жена его встречает с гневом:
- Иди туда откуда пришел!
Муж достает телефон, набирает номер и говорит в трубку:
- Ну, все нормально, Колян. Я отпросился!
( ... tālāk ... )
upd ( ... tālāk ... ) |
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[Sep. 17th, 2010|01:50 am] |
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Video: Bum! (Uzmanību, neangliska necenzēta leksika!) |
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