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[Jul. 21st, 2009|09:04 am] |
They say the French have a word for everything. Well, so do the Germans, except theirs is usually eight syllables long and sounds like they're coughing up a lung.
Ian Dauphinee
Even though Gaia is angry at humans for damaging the biosphere, I think deep down she feels proud of us, too.
The Covert Comic
My wife told me that picking my nose is disgusting. Great -- now I've got to do it myself.
Simon Richardson
The Top Signs Your Spouse Has Another Family
- The society page keeps mentioning some other Dr. & Mrs. Ragnar Q. Smirkovich.
- Claims the photos are of his twin brother's family -- the twin brother he forgot to mention until now.
- In his pants pockets you find a condom wrapper, a purchase agreement for a condominium and a rather small adopted Malawian boy.
- Although you have no kids, he got two child car-seats because he thinks "they look cool."
- Under "Spouse's Name" on a recent loan application, he put "See attached spreadsheet."
The Top Horror Movies Michael Jackson Could Have Made
- "Creature From the Formerly Black Lagoon"
- "Whatever Happened to Macaulay Culkin?"
- "The Surgical Masque of the Red Death"
- "The Hills Have No Noses"
- "I Know What You Bleached Last Summer"
- "I Moonwalked with a Zombie"
- "Dr. Jacko & Pasty Hyde"
- "Fried Hair the 13th"
The Top Ways to Make Sex More Fun
- "Oops It Broke!" joke condoms
- Install a bottle opener between your breasts
- Convince a couple of your wacky Amish neighbors to come over for a "naked barn-raising."
- Role playing: Lindsey Graham and Sonia Sotomayor
- Two words: whoopee mattress
- Dress up like Harry Potter. And ask your husband to wear the Hermione outfit.
- Try it with a partner
- Negotiate a lower price for the happy ending
- Loosen the rope (David Carradine only)
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