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May. 26th, 2009|10:04 am |
The Top Internet Acronyms
- PDA - Public Display of Agoraphobia
- FTP - Facebook and Twitter, Prehistorically
- ROFL - Really Opposite of Funny: Lame
- ROFLMAO - Running Out for Lunch, Making Asian Octopus
- HTTP - How To Troll Properly
- .biz - Bad Idea, Zippy!
- JPEG - Just Porn Everywhere, Girl
- LOL - Lack of Linguistics
The Top Signs It's Almost Summer
- All the empty bottles of sunblock near the crypts.
- Time to break out the lighter viscosity chainsaw oil!
- Jason trades in hockey mask for catcher's mask.
- It's getting harder to regulate the humidity in the basement dungeon.
- Woodpecker tapping industriously on the outside of your casket.
- Vampires are refrigerating their victims so they too can enjoy a cold drink.
- Ghouls were gruesome enough *before* they switched to tube tops and short shorts.
- The hills now have sunglasses too.
- Haley Joel Osment stands around the beach saying "I see red people."
The Top Bad Pieces of Advice About Finding a Legal Job
- At interviews, insist that they call you "Esquire" every time they say your name.
- Ask your divorce attorney if she needs a "personal assistant, if you know what I mean."
- Don't consider an interview a success if you can't get the hiring partner's secretary to agree to go out with you before you leave.
- Trumpet your astounding success on a law-themed internet humor list.
- Impress interviewers with your encyclopedic knowledge of "My Cousin Vinny."
- Inform firms that you bring with you a large book of pro bono business.
- "Trial Experience?"
"Yes, I was acquitted both times!"
The Top 21st-Century Solutions to 18th-Century Problems
- Text if by land. Tweet if by sea.
- Hackers take over www.kinggeorge3.uk and post the Declaration of Independence.
- Advanced Google and Yahoo data-mining technologies could drastically reduce building costs on the Suez Canal.
- Emit millions of tons of pollutants into the atmosphere to kick-start the Earth out of its Mini Ice Age.
- Make sure every sailor has a Blackberry to avoid scurvy.
- Fight pervasive infectious diseases by distributing free copies of the pamphlet, "Cleanlinesf is Next to Godlinesf for Dullards."
- Have Paul Revere just post a status update on Facebook.
The Top CGI Effects in "Terminator: Salvation"
- Schwarzenegger's 2018 gubernatorial re-election posters plastered everywhere.
- Subliminal promos for "Batman 3" inserted whenever Christian Bale is on screen.
- Thanks to some digital enhancement, Moon Bloodgood's moon is bloody good!
- In a cameo nod to McG's other films, the Terminator is seen crushing the life out of Charlie's Angels.
- The amazing car crash scene? No CGI involved -- that was the 405 at rush hour.
- In response to complaints from the Obama Administration, all weapons now fire flowers and love beads.
- Post-Production had to fix every closeup of Christian Bale because they were out of focus for some reason.
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