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[May. 26th, 2009|10:04 am] |
The Top Internet Acronyms
- PDA - Public Display of Agoraphobia - FTP - Facebook and Twitter, Prehistorically - ROFL - Really Opposite of Funny: Lame - ROFLMAO - Running Out for Lunch, Making Asian Octopus - HTTP - How To Troll Properly - .biz - Bad Idea, Zippy! - JPEG - Just Porn Everywhere, Girl - LOL - Lack of Linguistics
The Top Signs It's Almost Summer
- All the empty bottles of sunblock near the crypts. - Time to break out the lighter viscosity chainsaw oil! - Jason trades in hockey mask for catcher's mask. - It's getting harder to regulate the humidity in the basement dungeon. - Woodpecker tapping industriously on the outside of your casket. - Vampires are refrigerating their victims so they too can enjoy a cold drink. - Ghouls were gruesome enough *before* they switched to tube tops and short shorts. - The hills now have sunglasses too. - Haley Joel Osment stands around the beach saying "I see red people."
The Top Bad Pieces of Advice About Finding a Legal Job
- At interviews, insist that they call you "Esquire" every time they say your name. - Ask your divorce attorney if she needs a "personal assistant, if you know what I mean." - Don't consider an interview a success if you can't get the hiring partner's secretary to agree to go out with you before you leave. - Trumpet your astounding success on a law-themed internet humor list. - Impress interviewers with your encyclopedic knowledge of "My Cousin Vinny." - Inform firms that you bring with you a large book of pro bono business. - "Trial Experience?" "Yes, I was acquitted both times!"
The Top 21st-Century Solutions to 18th-Century Problems
- Text if by land. Tweet if by sea. - Hackers take over www.kinggeorge3.uk and post the Declaration of Independence. - Advanced Google and Yahoo data-mining technologies could drastically reduce building costs on the Suez Canal. - Emit millions of tons of pollutants into the atmosphere to kick-start the Earth out of its Mini Ice Age. - Make sure every sailor has a Blackberry to avoid scurvy. - Fight pervasive infectious diseases by distributing free copies of the pamphlet, "Cleanlinesf is Next to Godlinesf for Dullards." - Have Paul Revere just post a status update on Facebook.
The Top CGI Effects in "Terminator: Salvation"
- Schwarzenegger's 2018 gubernatorial re-election posters plastered everywhere. - Subliminal promos for "Batman 3" inserted whenever Christian Bale is on screen. - Thanks to some digital enhancement, Moon Bloodgood's moon is bloody good! - In a cameo nod to McG's other films, the Terminator is seen crushing the life out of Charlie's Angels. - The amazing car crash scene? No CGI involved -- that was the 405 at rush hour. - In response to complaints from the Obama Administration, all weapons now fire flowers and love beads. - Post-Production had to fix every closeup of Christian Bale because they were out of focus for some reason.
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