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[Dec. 19th, 2010|04:42 pm] |
От обещанного нам светлого будущего уже почему-то темнеет в глазах.
Здоровый образ жизни улучшает здоровье, но зато ухудшает качество самой жизни.
Удачливый человек - это тот, кто построил фундамент своего успеха из камней, которыми в него кидали.
- Из-за сбоя программного обеспечения ровно в полночь Золушка превратилась в тыкву. Пресс-служба Принца никак не прокомментировала это событие, поскольку уже неделю тупо ржёт.
Препод проверяет работу студента, и по нему видно, что тихо офигевает. Студент, извиняющимся тоном:
- Ну да, у меня нет дома цветного принтера. Зато есть чёрно-белый и фломастеры... |
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[Dec. 19th, 2010|04:49 pm] |
I've never been hunting and I doubt I ever will, for two reasons: One, you have to wake up early in the morning. You can’t go hunting in the middle of the night, especially if you live in an urban area. Two, anything large and dead is more trouble than it's worth.
(Anthony Myers)
I'm not a religious man. I have no desire to be born again. Even if I wanted to, I seriously doubt I could ever convince my mom to try it.
(Anthony Myers)
I've found there are few things more mind-numbing than sneezing just as the dental assistant is about to give you a shot of Novocaine.
(Mark D. Sabien)
If I ever run into a really good looking zombie, I sure hope she doesn't start hitting on me. Cause, man, that's one decision I don't want to have to make.
(Jim Ross)
They should put an extra piece in those 1000-piece jigsaw puzzles. You know, in case you lose one.
(Travis Ruetenik)
I had my girlfriend convinced I was over that shameful "Roadrunner Phase," as we called it -- until she found the magazines. And the anvil. And the bird seed. And the jet-powered skates.
(Erik Hallberg)
That which does not kill me only serves to make me stronger. Unless, of course, it's some sort of muscle-removal operation.
(Matt Reiff)
If I give a speech, instead of picturing the audience in their underwear, I picture them all in MY underwear. I get a good laugh picturing a bunch of losers in crotchless Hello Kitty thongs.
(Jill Gallagher)
Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine, orders a drink, punches a waitress, flashes the room *and* delivers a baby. And guess whose camera-phone battery died!
(Mark D. Sabien)
They're showing an all-new episode of "It Could Happen Tomorrow" on the Weather Channel next Friday. I'm worried that could be way too late.
(The Covert Comic)
( ... tālāk ... ) |
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[Dec. 19th, 2010|05:19 pm] |
The Top Bad Ideas for Tattoos
- "'X' marks the spot. Start digging here!"
- The Chinese character for "Japanese Character" ( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Hollywood Holiday Songs
- I'll Have a Bluescreen Christmas Without You
- Grandma Got Run Over by a CGI Reindeer ( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Differences Had Rubber Never Been Discovered
- You think body cavity searches suck now? Picture a TSA agent wearing porcupine gloves, my friend.
- Bungee jumping would be indistinguishable from suicide. ( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Signs You Bought a Fake iPhone
- On-screen assistance is provided by Clippy the Paperclip.
- Instead of a "Delete" button, it comes with an actual eraser. ( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Country-Western Carols
- Hark! That Harold A-Hole's Swingin' With My Wife!
- All I Want for Christmas Is a Few Front Teeth ( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Signs Currency Has Been Improperly Printed
- The All-Seeing Eye atop the pyramid is bloodshot.
- Angling the bill in the light not only causes the ink to change color but it reveals a hologram of U.S. Treasurer Rosa Gumataotao Rios doing a striptease. ( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Excuses for Weight Gain
- Your wife said she'd love you even if you were fat, so you're just putting it to a test.
- Global warming has made it too hot outside to exercise. ( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Signs You Need a New Literary Agent
- Wants you to change your name to J.K. Bieber.
- It's bad enough that the Snooki's foreword completely misses the nuances of your theories on quantum physics, but she also dotted her i's with little hearts. ( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Military Revelations in the Latest WikiLeaks Dump
- Most of the Armed Forces of the Islamic Republic of Iran are closet Gleeks.
- La Royale never builds poop decks on their ships, because they're naturally scared s***less. ( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Rejected Greeting Card Themes
- Merry Christmas to the Godless Atheist Who'll Be Spending Eternity Sizzling in Hell
- Your New Wolf Blitzer Beard Makes You Look Older and More Sophisti... Well, Older! ( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Features of the World's Fastest Chinese Supercomputer
- Finally quantifies the comparative "all the tea in China."
- It can simulate the effects of a monumental denial of service attack. Not that the government would ever plan something like that for real, of course. ( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Ways to Protect Your Privacy on Facebook
- Surrender in Mafia Wars and join the Witness Protection Program.
- Post dozens of bikini photos. No other section of your page will ever be viewed. ( ... tālāk ... ) |
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