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[Jul. 10th, 2010|11:32 am] |
Новый год - это среднее арифметическое между католическим и православным рождеством.
- Я давно мечтаю в Испанию, в Памплону съездить, от быков по улицам побегать...
- Да съезди в Люберцы на дискотеку, толкни кого-нибудь и бегай!
Преподаватель - студентам:
- Недоделанный отчёт – это не беда. Главное, когда будете делать детей – доделайте их! А то потом приходят недоделанные дети и приносят недоделанные отчёты. И никак не прервать этот замкнутый круг...
Нет, все-таки не любит наш народ продавцов полосатых палочек. Только что прочитал на форуме:
[Вчера ехал по федералке на машине. Рядом проходит железная дорога. Навстречу идет локомотив и пару раз моргает фарами. Сбавляю скорость. И точно! Впереди ограничение 40. Следом экипаж ДПС.]
Я теперь и на тепловозы и на самолеты буду внимание обращать. |
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[Jul. 10th, 2010|11:33 am] |
The Top Ways to “Green” a Hollywood Wedding
- Recycle what's left of last month's wedding cake.
- Have Paris Hilton flash her hoo-hah from a Prius.
- Bouquet tossed directly into compost bin.
- Why write your own vows when you can use this old script from Friends"?
- Use large solar panels to shield the event from TMZ helicopters.
- Hook Mel Gibson up to a windmill and let his hot air provide electricity for the whole evening.
- "2 save paper, we will 4go invites programs and menus.. pls check your twitter accordingly"
- Fill the stretch Hummer with E85.
The Top Scenes from the Gangsta Rapper Retirement Home in the Year 2050
- Visiting kids mortified by baggy plaid pants pulled up above the navel.
- Mos Def is now ALL Def.
- Lots of spinner-related finger amputations.
- "Me so gassy."
- Spontaneous rap recitals still abound, but usually about stuff like constipation.
- "Can I come up with a rhyme for 'colostomy'? Back it up outa here, fool!"
- "Where's that *$&*ing Flava Flav? I lost my glasses and need to know what time it is!"
- LayZ busts an enema in his own ass.
The Top Differences Between a Vuvuzela and a Vulva
- A vuvuzela doesn't expect dinner and drinks before you get to play with it.
- Only EIGHT websites devoted to seeing someone's vuvuzela.
- Only one is a country in South America. (Sorry, I couldn't hear the question with all this noise.)
- The vuvuzelas you get on the street corner won't give you the clap.
- The ER nurses don't giggle quite as derisively if you get your erection caught in a vulva.
- One causes a loud noise when you put your lips to it. The other... well, it depends whether she's a screamer.
- You won't get arrested if you let one of your third-grade students play with your vuvuzela.
- Paris Hilton won't let just anyone play with her vuvuzela.
- Being a gay man who's into theater, I won't be much help. I think one them of has something to do with sports and the other is a car.
No TopFive.com |
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