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[Jul. 14th, 2009|09:40 am] |
Так много людей, у которых есть убеждения; и так мало людей, у которых есть мысли.
Если наносить на карту России все случаи коррупции инспекторов ГИБДД - получится Атлас российских автодорог.
Перед подъездом, на асфальте, крупно: "ИРА, Я ТЕБЯ ЛЮБЛЮ!"
"Я ТЕБЯ ЛЮБЛЮ!" - краской. "ИРА," - мелом...
В Питере на Ваське, на Среднем проспекте есть китайский ресторан "Великая стена". С большой вывеской иероглифами. Мой приятель едет мимо на трамвае с сокурсником-китайцем. Проезжают мимо вывески и китаец ему говорит:
- А ты знаеся, сто сдесь написано?
- Что?
- "Свиная тусонка".
Эти умники, недолго думая, перерисовали иероглифы с банки тушенки "Великая стена".
( ... tālāk ... ) |
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[Jul. 14th, 2009|09:51 am] |
The Top Signs a Ghost Hunter Is Insane
- Walks around the attic asking "Can you hear me now?"
- His exorcism seems to include a lot of balloon animals.
- Sure, it drives out the ghosts, but Fran Drescher's laugh on an endless loop does that to live people too.
- Stands you in front of the air vent to feel "the cold presence."
- You find him sniffing your wife's panties "for traces of ectoplasm."
- Slides over to your urinal and yells, "Don't cross the streams!"
The Top Signs Your Government Is Hiding Things From You
- A White House press secretary's lips are moving, and breath is being expelled through his or her vocal chords.
- Your Congressman is in the stall next to you, tapping out secret messages with his foot.
- Hours before the "Was the moon landing a hoax?" episode of MythBusters airs, both hosts are badly hurt when they fall up a flight of stairs.
- The answer to every White House press conference question: "Who'd like to go to Disney World?!?"
- Congressional toilet paper now being shredded before being flushed.
No TopFive.com |
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[Jul. 14th, 2009|10:17 am] |
The Top Surprises in the LOLcats Musical
- Of the twelve thousand script authors, at least three of them have actually had sex.
- No actors, just a PC and projector trolling 4chan.
- Ends with mysteriously masked Basement Cat bringing down bucket chandelier on the audience.
- Directed by the pets.com sock puppet.
- Opera-style subtitles for the LOLspeak-impaired.
- Book and lyrics officially condemned by English Teachers of America.
The Top Things That Can Be Produced from Air
- A fabulous new wardrobe for the Emperor.
- Well, like every summer in Wisconsin, mosquitoes.
- Properly warmed, it is the basic building block of all political lifeforms.
- Money. In the vicinity of Warren Buffet's office.
- My nose just pulls allergens, there's got to be a way to market that.
- Money (at least my kids think so.)
- Lampblack (using the air over Beijing, Mexico City, or Baku.)
- Fuel can be drawn from the air. Or at least the air around the Tres Burritos Mexican restaurant.
No TopFive.com |
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