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[May. 7th, 2009|07:54 am] |
Принцесса ждет своего принца на белом коне! Адрес: г. Чита, Мямякинский район, деревня Елкино, изба с надписью на заборе:«Петя пидарас», спросить Фросю.
Срочно! Нужна помощь! Разошли всем, пожалуйста!!! Ребенку (31 год) срочно нужны Аudi RS4 Sроrt и красивая девочка, блондинка с 2-4 размером груди! Это не спам!
Криминальная хроника
Вчера в общежитии института физкультуры произошла драка. Прибывший на место происшествия наряд милиции тоже отгреб нех...ево.
Москва.
Очередной дерзкий побег совершен из Бутырской тюрьмы. На этот раз преступники воспользовались сложной системой незапертых дверей. . .
Любовь похожа на раскрутку шлягера. Сначала его слушаешь и не можешь дождаться, когда услышишь еще. Затем слышишь его на каждом углу и это все еще нравится. Потом ты уже не можешь это слышать (тошнит уже), а это по-прежнему крутят на каждом углу. Когда его перестали крутить на каждом углу и песня появляется в эфире иногда, ты вздрагиваешь, вспоминая как ты могла вообще это слушать. А вот лет через 10 ты думаешь, а неплохое все-таки время было! . .
Объявление:
Продам белого коня.
Телки заиплаи.
Принц.
( ... tālāk ... ) |
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[May. 7th, 2009|01:46 pm] |
I'm not afraid of commitment -- I just don't like being perpetually obligated.
Mitchell Kobriger
Piglet's to the left of me, Tigger's to the right! Here I am, stuck in the middle with Pooh.
Brad Simanek
Look at all these slackers, hanging around the coffee shop doing nothing but talking and smoking all day long. I've got to get here earlier and earlier every day just to make sure these losers don't get my regular table and bleed the cigarette machine dry.
Tim H. Richweis
As a recovering alcoholic, I've learned to like non-alcoholic beer, and it's also made me a better parent: Turns out the kids like it, too!
Tristan & Marco Fabriani
The Top Advantages to Being a Dumb Blonde
- All those guys about to make millions in Nigerian fund transfers and internet humor lists want to date you.
- Drinks are free until you hit 30.
- Nobody ever suspects it was you who pulled a practical joke, like the time you switched the pitcher of COLD water in the fridge for a pitcher of HOT water.
- When looking in the phone book for 911, you know you don't have to look in the letter pages.
- With these jugs, no one really cares about IQ.
- Dumb brunettes have far fewer opportunities, save the occasional GOP vice presidential nomination.
The 5 Overlooked Accomplishments of President Obama's First 100 Days
- Formally apologized to the rest of the world for "Paul Blart, Mall Cop."
- Closed down Guantanamo Bay before Starbucks could get their greasy mitts on it.
- Drank that punkass Hugo Chavez under the table, bee-yotch!
- The US Government will soon pass Jay Leno in terms of automobile ownership.
- Talked a drunk Bill Clinton out of nailing Susan Boyle.
No TopFive.com |
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[May. 7th, 2009|02:02 pm] |
I,__________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
Glass of wine
Chocolate
Margarita
Salty nuts
Martini
Cold Beer
Chocolate
Brownies
Mexican food
Chocolate
French fries
Chocolate
Pizza
Ice cream
Twinkies
Chocolate
Chocolate
Glass of wine
Chocolate
It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, let the 'fat lady sing,' and call it a day!
***
Two blondes with hammers, Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, and either toss it
over her shoulder or nail it in.
Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked,
"Why are you throwing those nails away?"
Carol explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end , and I throw them away."
Donna got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!" |
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