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[May. 7th, 2009|01:46 pm] |
I'm not afraid of commitment -- I just don't like being perpetually obligated.
Mitchell Kobriger
Piglet's to the left of me, Tigger's to the right! Here I am, stuck in the middle with Pooh.
Brad Simanek
Look at all these slackers, hanging around the coffee shop doing nothing but talking and smoking all day long. I've got to get here earlier and earlier every day just to make sure these losers don't get my regular table and bleed the cigarette machine dry.
Tim H. Richweis
As a recovering alcoholic, I've learned to like non-alcoholic beer, and it's also made me a better parent: Turns out the kids like it, too!
Tristan & Marco Fabriani
The Top Advantages to Being a Dumb Blonde
- All those guys about to make millions in Nigerian fund transfers and internet humor lists want to date you.
- Drinks are free until you hit 30.
- Nobody ever suspects it was you who pulled a practical joke, like the time you switched the pitcher of COLD water in the fridge for a pitcher of HOT water.
- When looking in the phone book for 911, you know you don't have to look in the letter pages.
- With these jugs, no one really cares about IQ.
- Dumb brunettes have far fewer opportunities, save the occasional GOP vice presidential nomination.
The 5 Overlooked Accomplishments of President Obama's First 100 Days
- Formally apologized to the rest of the world for "Paul Blart, Mall Cop."
- Closed down Guantanamo Bay before Starbucks could get their greasy mitts on it.
- Drank that punkass Hugo Chavez under the table, bee-yotch!
- The US Government will soon pass Jay Leno in terms of automobile ownership.
- Talked a drunk Bill Clinton out of nailing Susan Boyle.
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