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[Apr. 11th, 2009|12:41 am] |
According to the dictionary, to *irk* is to make weary, irritated, or bored. Well, that pretty much covers my entire existence. I'm basically irked all the time.
The Covert Comic
My bank has started a new promotion offering free checks for life. See? That's how they get you! Most people don't realize that they can charge as much as they want after you die.
Donna Ayers
How come so many conservative Christians insist the only method of birth control that is 100% effective is abstinence? I can think of one documented case where even THAT didn't work -- and you'd think they'd all be familiar with it.
Chris Irby
Guys, the next time you're out at a bar, try this trick: Drop two fake eyeballs in a beer glass and hand it to the lady of your choice. When she asks what it is, tell her, "That's the DUI charge you could save by going home with me."
Brad Simanek
Although it's been three years since I ran my car into that nuclear waste truck, I could still become a superhero -- if only I just stop gnawing on my tongue and jerking uncontrollably.
Jerry L. Embry
Since I can't afford to drive a bright yellow Hummer, I'm going to get a big flashing sign for my car that says, "I'm in serious need of your attention!"
Bernie Spencer
No TopFive.com |
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[Apr. 11th, 2009|12:45 am] |
The Top Poor Responses to the Question "Does This Make Me Look Fat?"
- "Not to Stevie Wonder."
- "No, but taking it *off* sure does."( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Favorite Movies of Famous People
- Al Roker: "Rain Man"
- Naomi Campbell: "Diary of a Mad Black Woman"( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Differences If Game Shows Were Hosted by Satan
- Door #1: Hellfire and damnation.
Door #2: Eternal plagues and pestilence.
Door #3: Room full of telemarketers with your number on speed dial.
- Wrong answer? Pitchfork in the ass!( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Pieces of Advice from Your Drill Instructor
- "Always ask for the bottle when you order a beer, because you know it won't be as dirty as the glass."
- "Keep your friends close, and throw your grenades as far as possible."( ... tālāk ... ) |
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[Apr. 11th, 2009|12:50 am] |
Fifty Amazing-but-True Facts! ;))
- The Mongolian pony is the only animal other than an elephant capable of fending off an attack by a healthy adult tiger.
- Because of their unusual shape, Hershey's Kisses contain more calories per ounce than the same amount of chocolate in other forms.
- The French language has seventeen different words for "surrender."
- The average person can fit exactly one half of their pinky finger in one of their nostrils. However, if an attempt is made to put a pinky finger in EACH nostril, only one quarter of each will fit.
- Showing off at a party one evening, Chopin played the entire "Minute Waltz" in under 10 seconds.
- If the air in your car's tires is not completely replaced every two years, it can turn to liquid and cause severe damage.( ... tālāk ... ) |
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