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[Mar. 20th, 2009|10:54 am] |
Человеческие возможности ограничиваются законами и расширяются взятками.
Деньги, выделенные из бюджета на подготовку к Сочи 2014, будут пиздить не как обычно, а быстрее, выше, сильнее!
- Я так яростно борюсь с моей врожденной ленью, что когда, наконец, побеждаю, то уже нет сил идти в школу...
- Какая лошадь! Уродство какое! Какой мудак это придумал? – удивлялись троянцы
- Вы сами козлы и в искусстве ничего не понимаете! – не выдержал Одиссей внутри коня.
- Фигассе! Говорящая Лошадь! – удивились троянцы – Надо ее в город затащить раз так.
- Фуух. Чуть не спалились.. – выдохнул Одиссей.
( ... tālāk ... ) |
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[Mar. 20th, 2009|11:29 am] |
A man is in bed with his New Thai Wife.
After having great sex she spends the next hour just stroking his penis, something she had lovingly done on many occasions.
Rather enjoying it, he turns and asks her:
- Why do you love doing that?
- Because I really miss mine...
1. Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000. His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price. What is his profit?
2. Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000. His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price, or £800. What is his profit?
3. Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000. His cost of production is £800. Did he make a profit?
4. Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000. His cost of production is £800 and his profit is £200. Your assignment: Underline the number 200.
5. Teaching Maths In 2008
A logger cut s down a beautiful forest because he is totally selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of £200.
What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers. If you are upset about the plight of the animals in question counselling will be available.) |
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[Mar. 20th, 2009|11:40 am] |
Here's a tip on auto safety I learned recently: If you're driving through one of those traffic checkpoints and a police officer yells at you to slow down, don't slow down *too* quickly or he'll go flying right off the hood.
The Covert Comic
If you ever go to a park and it turns out to be crowded, just do what I do: Go up to everyone you see and whisper, "This'd be a great place to bury all the bodies, heh, heh," and smirk menacingly. Pretty soon you'll have the park all to yourself -- and then you can bury all the bodies without anyone getting suspicious.
Dan, the Crazy Croat
I went to this party once, and it turned out to be a bunch of S&M freaks. Oh, cruel fete!
Doug Frank
The Top Second Jobs of Celebrities
- Tom Cruise: furniture warranty tester
- Wynona Ryder: retail security consultant( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Signs Bob Took It Too Far
- Bob ate three burritos, two tacos, and a chalupa at Taco Bell. No way that car freshener will outlast this.
- He signed his name as "Booob".( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Quotes from Yoda's Pre-"Star Wars" Career
- "Smack my bitches up, will I, if out of line they get!"
- "If hard you work, and dedicated you are, then diamond level you will achieve! Begun, your Amway career has."( ... tālāk ... )
The Top Signs Your Pet Is a Terrorist
- Fetches your slippers, and then tries to light them.
- He refuses to let you rub his nose in his mistakes, demanding a military tribunal instead.( ... tālāk ... ) |
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[Mar. 20th, 2009|01:16 pm] |
Доказательство того, что крокодил более длинный, чем широкий.
1.Вначале докажем, что крокодил более длинный, чем зеленый.
Длинный крокодил и сверху, и снизу, и зеленый - только сверху. Следовательно, крокодил более длинный, чем зеленый.
2.Далее докажем, что крокодил более зеленый, чем широкий.
Зеленый крокодил и вдоль, и поперек, а широкий - только поперек. Следовательно, крокодил более зеленый, чем широкий.
Итак, мы доказали. что крокодил более длинный, чем широкий. |
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