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[Mar. 14th, 2008|08:20 am] |
СМС-сообщение: "Вы выиграли поездку в экзотическую горную страну. Военкомат"
Хочешь обанкротить маленькое государство - подари ему авианосец (с), хочешь обанкротить Россию - подари ей Олимпийские Игры.
Прошло много лет с момента применения газовой атаки немецкой армией в первую мировую войну, но недавно "Газпром" применил новейшую технологию - безгазовую атаку. Испытания прошли успешно.
- Ох, этот простатит!
- Да, я Вас понимаю.
- Нет, девушка, Вы меня не понимаете!
- Очень хорошо понимаю.
- Но у Вас даже члена нет.
- Еще вчера был.
- Привет!
- Привет!
- Че делаешь?
- Пресс качаю.
- А че это?
- Полезно для здоровья и для фигуры.
- Дай ссылку, я тоже скачаю. |
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[Mar. 14th, 2008|09:04 am] |
The Top Other Ways to Remove Gum from One's Hair
- Set a swim course near an Exxon tanker. Wait.
- Use paint thinner. If the gum doesn't come out, you'll be so stoned you won't care!
- Ten minutes in a 600W microwave will shorten those long organic chains. It's then a simple matter of crushing the gum residue between two bricks.
- Insert a large copper rod then wait for lightning to do its magic.
- Paint the victim's skin green, dunk the head in liquid nitrogen then crack the gum by squeezing anything pink between your fingers. Remember, safety first: Wear a white lab coat.
- (A) Mix 50% gasoline and 50% bleach in a large bowl. (B) Throw mixture at the jerk who put the gum in your hair.
- Start a fight with a chick. There's always a lot of hair-pulling in catfights.
- Don't remove it. Add more gum till you have a gum helmet. Then maybe those infernal voices will stop!
- Stop trimming your back hairs. Female yetis groom their partners. You may even get lucky...
No TopFive.com |
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[Mar. 14th, 2008|09:41 am] |
A successful man is one who can build a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him
David Brinkley
A doctor had just delivered twins. They were a boy and a girl. The head nurse brought them out for their father to see.
He could hardly believe his good fortune. The girl baby had a pink blanket wrapped around her and the boy baby was enclosed in a blue blanket.
He took one step forward just so he could touch the babies and believe they had finally arrived.
As he started to touch them the nurse took a step backwards and said, "You can't touch those babies. You aren't sterile!"
With out missing a beat, he retorted "You're telling ME I'm not sterile?!"
orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat.I hadn`t considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I`m delivering him to my doctor`s office."
The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it`s *TOO* late!" |
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[Mar. 14th, 2008|01:50 pm] |
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Specifisks higiēnas priekšmets ;)) ( ... tālāk ... ) |
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