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alokvmenon: i have always been bad at goodbyes. by which i mean my dad gets mad at me for hanging up the phone too fast & i never know when’s a “good time” to leave. i can’t do goodbyes because what can be good about missing you? i do bad byes. my friends ask to see me before i go, and i always have excuses & promises instead. i am sorry you didn’t know i was leaving (again). i am sorry there was no dinner, no sendoff, no farewell. because how am i supposed to fare well without you? i believe trains & planes are for crying, by which i mean trains & planes are ways of getting somewhere. sometimes i get to the airport early & just sit there watching people leave each other & cry. want to hug everyone & just say i am sorry, i understand. this is all a scam. we shouldn’t have to leave each other. ever! “bye” makes me remember that time is real & things end. i struggle with inevitable things. i want to believe in forever. i want to stand in the ocean & tell the waves they cannot take me! i want to go on the streets & tell the men they cannot hurt me! i want to fall in love & tell the heart it cannot break me! i want to believe that time is a circle here to hug us even closer & closer together until we remember that we were never apart. i am deeply nostalgic. i miss everyone & everything, even the people i haven’t met yet. i cry using the same bathroom at the same train station from last year because “remember when.” i like memories more than anything because my mind is a movie theater & can make anything beautiful. chances are i like you more from afar. chances are we remember things differently. sometimes i make soundtracks for my life & on the plane — leaving you — i think about how this would be a season finale, this would be an end of a chapter, this would be the scene they won’t forget. i am scared most of being forgotten. so i leave abruptly. i disappear. i leave you wanting more. i leave you wanting. i leave you. i leave. i...