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old one [Oct. 24th, 2015|12:52 am]
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another mermaid [Oct. 21st, 2015|01:44 am]
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- [Oct. 21st, 2015|01:42 am]
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- [Oct. 21st, 2015|01:41 am]
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- [Oct. 21st, 2015|01:40 am]
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- [Oct. 21st, 2015|01:39 am]
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- [Oct. 21st, 2015|01:36 am]
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- [Oct. 21st, 2015|01:35 am]
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- [Oct. 21st, 2015|01:33 am]
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- [Oct. 21st, 2015|01:31 am]
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ja nerakstās, tad lai vismaz zīmējas [Sep. 18th, 2015|10:52 pm]
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Куда только смотрят защитники прав животных?! [Jan. 22nd, 2015|11:22 pm]
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[Current Music |lana del ray - young and beautiful]

На этой неделе вместо того чтобы готовиться к экзамену, я конечно же полностью погрузилась в волшебный мир созданный Кейт Мортон в книге "Забытый сад" (как на втором курсе это было с «Кладбищем забытых книг» от Карлоса Руиса Сафона).
И так же как и тогда - я вспомнила все свои самые любимые сказки детства. И сегодня приехав домой я достала сильно потрепанные "Сказки Бабушки про чужие странушки".. и начала читать китайскую сказку "Золотая лилия" одну из моих любимых, а там:

"Как известно, у бабы-птицы, или пеликана, есть под нижней частью клюва большой мешок. Птица складывает в него наловленную рыбу, а потом глотает ее. Китайцы используют пеликанов для рыбной ловли, и чтобы птицы не проглатывали свою добычу, надевают им на горло узкие ошейники."

Учеба на VMF явно сделала меня менее жестокой - я впервые возмутилась такой эксплуатации бабы-птицы.

А книга правда - волшебная, сразу хочется писать сказки.
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mother tounge [Jan. 18th, 2015|08:26 pm]
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[Current Music |наутилус помпилиус - крылья]

Ir biedējoši apzināties, cik maz vajag, lai izgrūstu tik labi apdzīvoto un drošo ikdienu. Esmu es, ir draugi, ir valoda, ir valsts. Varbūt neesmu patriotiskākais cilvēks ever, but I manage.
Un tad tu ej pa tuneli pie stacijas un čalis dzied vai nu 'Группа Крови' vai 'Вечно молодой', un tev nones širmi no tā, cik patiesībā līdz kaulu smadzenēm krievisks tu esi. Those songs, they touch my soul..
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stuck [Jan. 4th, 2015|10:46 pm]
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[Current Mood |stuck]
[Current Music |Puccini Tosca Act 3 'E lucevan le stelle']

Biedējoša doma ielavījās viņas prātā un atteicās to pamest:
neskatoties uz to, ka viņa bija izķepurojusies no bedres, kuru pati sev izraka, viņas dzīve tikai tīri fiziski un materiāli kustējās uz priekšu. mentāli viņa bija iesprūdusi četrus gadus vecās atmiņās, viņa joprojām lasīja to pašu grāmatu un klausījās tās pašas dziesmas, kas, viņasprāt, izglāba viņas dzīvību. Un joprojām, klausoties Blue October "Quiet Mind", viņas sirdī radās tīri fiziska sāpe par visu, ko šī dziesma viņai nozīmē.. un GWTW izraisīja viņā vairāk emociju nekā vesels mācību semestris.
Viņai likās, ka šīs lietas atvēra viņas aizbruņoto, iesaldēto dvēseli un pieskārās visjutīgākajiem audiem.

Un viņa ieslīga mierpilnā eskeipisma jūrā, bet varbūt iestiga mentālā stagnācijā, kas neļāva viņai virzīties uz priekšu... ????

It kinda worried her, that other people moved on with their lives.. lived their lives - got married, had children, got second education or their masters degree, had random sex, held their own personal exhibitions in galleries, beat cancer.. one of her classmates had actually died [not that was something she wanted to do at this point in her life]..

She had to face it - she was stuck!
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varbūt viņa tomēr nav īsti vesela? [Jan. 3rd, 2015|11:57 pm]
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[Current Mood |light]
[Current Music |placebo - too many friends]

braucot vilcienā, viņas galvā izskanēja frāze:

"vīrs, kas nosēdās viņai blakus, neizturami smaržoja pēc zivīm, bet ja ticēt Danai, pie vainas bija pēc 2 dienām sagaidamā ovulācija un visi aromāti likās hiperboliski pastiprināti."

un pēkšņi šī smaržas problēma vairs nelikās viņas problēma, bet gan kārtējā viņas galvā iedomātā tēla problēma.
un tad viņai radās ģeniāla ideja, rakstīt dg par sevi trešajā personā, kura nu jau 8 stundu laika periodā ir kapitāli mainījusi viņas dzīvi, jo visas lietas, kas viņai sevī tik ļoti nepatika, un visas problēmas, kas nodarbināja viņas prātu, vairs nepiederēja viņai, bet gan kādai iedomātai viņai.
un ne jau viņa iepriekšējā naktī nogrozījās bezmiegā 6 stundas, domājot, ka nav īsti mentāli vesela, bet gan šī iedomātā jaunā meitene, kura drīkst darīt visu, jo tas viss vairs nav pa īstam.

tā viņas dzīve kļuva viegla kā dūnu spalviņa.
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Ten Rules to Live By to Achieve INFP Success [Dec. 13th, 2014|03:48 pm]
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[Current Music |wintermusik on Spotify]

Esmu šokēta par to, cik man atbilstošs ir šis personality tips. So my new guidelines in life must be these (īpašu uzmanību būs jāvelta 3., 4., 8. un 10.):

1) Feed Your Strengths! Encourage your natural artistic abilities and creativity. Nourish your spirituality. Give yourself opportunities to help the needy or underprivileged.

2) Face Your Weaknesses! Realize and accept that some traits are strengths and some are weaknesses. Facing and dealing with your weaknesses doesn't mean that you have to change who you are, it means that you want to be the best You possible. By facing your weaknesses, you are honoring your true self, rather than attacking yourself.

3) Express Your Feelings. Don't let unexpressed emotions build up inside of you. If you have strong feelings, sort them out and express them, Don't let them build up inside you to the point where they become unmanageable!

4) Listen to Everything. Try not to dismiss anything immediately. Let everything soak in for awhile, then apply judgment.

5) Smile at Criticism. Remember that people will not always agree with you or understand you, even if they value you greatly. Try to see disagreement and criticism as an opportunity for growth. In fact, that is exactly what it is.

6) Be Aware of Others. Remember that there are 15 other personality types out there who see things differently than you see them. Try to identify other people's types. Try to understand their perspectives.

7) Be Accountable for Yourself. Remember that YOU have more control over your life than any other person has.

8) Be Gentle in Your Expectations. You will always be disappointed with others if you expect too much of them. Being disappointed with another person is the best way to drive them away. Treat others with the same gentleness that you would like to be treated with.

9) Assume the Best. Don't distress yourself by assuming the worst. Remember that a positive attitude often creates positive situations.

10) When in Doubt, Ask Questions! Don't assume that the lack of feedback is the same thing as negative feedback. If you need feedback and don't have any, ask for it.
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being a bitch [Dec. 5th, 2014|12:02 am]
[Current Music |birdy - wings]

Ir tik viegli aizvainot citus, kad īstenībā esi apvainojies tikai un vienīgi uz sevi.
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'Gone Girl' by Gillian Flynn [Nov. 5th, 2014|11:55 pm]
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[Current Music |nada]

Nezinu, kāda ir filma, bet ticu, ka Finčeram kārtējo reizi ir izdevies radīt ko izcilu, par ko liecina visai augstie novērtējumi ar-filmām-saistītājās mājaslapās.
Runa gan ir par grāmatu - jau pagājušas 24 h kopš esmu tikusi līdz beigām, un joprojām it's in my head, jo I simultaneously loved and hated it. I'm in awe and I'm repulsed. Vispār jau diezgan paslima, feministiska, crazy grāmata. Viss, neko daudz nerakstīšu, iepostošu garus, garus citātus, kas neliek man mieru:

"The way some women change fashion regularly, I change personalities. What persona feels good, what’s coveted, what’s au courant? I think most people do this, they just don’t admit it, or else they settle on one persona because they’re too lazy or stupid to pull off a switch.
That night at the Brooklyn party, I was playing the girl who was in style, the girl a man like Nick wants: the Cool Girl. Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.
Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them."


" ...the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: ‘I like strong women.’ If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else."


"I waited patiently – years – for the pendulum to swing the other way, for men to start reading Jane Austen, learn how to knit, pretend to love cosmos, organize scrapbook parties, and make out with each other while we leer. And then we’d say, Yeah, he’s a Cool Guy.
But it never happened. Instead, women across the nation colluded in our degradation! Pretty soon Cool Girl became the standard girl. Men believed she existed – she wasn’t just a dreamgirl one in a million. Every girl was supposed to this girl, and if you weren’t, then there was something wrong with you."


"It wasn’t me! I thought you knew. I thought it was a bit of a game. I thought we had a wink-wink, don’t ask, don’t tell thing going. I tried so hard to be easy. But it was unsustainable. It all started collapsing on itself. I hated Nick for being surprised when I became me. I hated him for not knowing it had to end, for truly believing he had married this creature, this figment of the imagination of a million masturbatory men, semen-fingered and self-satisfied. He truly seemed astonished when I asked him to listen to me. He couldn’t believe I didn’t love wax-stripping my pussy raw and blowing him on request."


Piekrītu un nepiekrītu, and it kills me.
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[Oct. 11th, 2014|07:39 pm]
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Gandrīz jau nobriedu izdzēsties, bet rudens mani atrunāja.

Tikai, laikam būs kkas jāmaina. Not sure yet.
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sapņu diary n-tais ieraksts [Jul. 29th, 2014|12:31 am]
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[Current Music |abook]

Sapņos atkal grauzēji. Šoreiz gan žurkas, bet tādas miniatūras - ar visām astēm max 3 cm. Un mājas žurciņas - baltas ar tumši pelēku strīpu uz muguras gluži kā Sāriņai bija.. kopā kādas 10.. vienkārši izskrēja no mana radiatora apakšas un izklīda pa istabu.
Maybe universe is trying to tell me something.
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