Posted by [info]nomirusi on 2017.03.22 at 15:22
And even if it saves me from more duties and troubles, it still means I didn't do it better or good enough. It still means I couldn't. And it means more powerlessness. And more boredom with work which I find boring again. I need to learn and grow. But apparently not good enough for that either.
Or maybe I just emotionally feel down. And then there is no worth to my ramblings anyway.

Posted by [info]nomirusi on 2017.03.20 at 16:39
Maybe I have to start dating again. Or at least socialize. I'm getting back to that though, yes, prioritizing people more. But it's hard to get the balance. It's hard to put up my own boundaries. To have a strict position of how I will spend that time with other people. I am prone to adapt. And only lately I start to appreciate the quick socialization moments. And by quick I mean an hour. Yes, I am the long conversion girl. Well... maybe I need to adapt more to my own external situations (work&school load) than other people. Even if important and/or enjoyable.

Coming back to prioritizing my own judgement over others. Actually that was shocking concept for me. Especially when I could argument it not with simple "just because" or "because I like so"* but give rational reasons. Because it is more effective.

*I'm really not inspired by just liking something as the reason to do it. I don't place much value on it. I'm learning to exercise it more for things so I can enjoy life more, only reason because I want so, but not if when it comes to conflict with other things/values/people.

Posted by [info]nomirusi on 2017.03.15 at 16:42


I don't know what else to add. Maybe "and vitamins". Though I didn't drink them that much. And not the first time I see this happening. So if something, you can remind me next time. :D