May 6th, 2008


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10:21 pm - ***
At the I saw that the army I once created had gone weak, people were dying again. The ones I loved and respected, the ones I would give my life for, just because they are worthy of it. Remains of my sanity saw their death and mourned for them and preyed for their innocent souls to the spirits of light. Still there was too much pain and lack of self-control in my mind, I could not continue the work I had started years ago. I saw my best warriors weak without me and the people of the woods being slaughtered by the Monsters. That cured my mind faster than anything else could have. My main aim was to restore my army to full force and crush the legions of our enemy. It seemed a lot easyer than it appeared. Men and women that once fought side by side with me were scared and not willing to protect the innocent...if they were not already dead, that is. And most of them were. Our enemy became stronger during these years. The people I tried to revive as great warriors refused. Some of them were still fighting, the strongest, the ones that had more than just physical strenght and dexterity, the ones that had also a mind as strong as their body.
I saw and did this all on my way to Thunder. I left my attempts to create an oposition against the Monsters and moved on remaining unrecognised. I moved into a small house, even though I could not even pay the rent at first. But I guess saving a couple of lives did the trick – the house was given to me as a gift for the life I bring. These were not the people that I still called my family in my thoughts, but these were good and kind people at most. The evil forces sometimes came to Thunder to hunt the innocent ones, sometimes they killed a couple of children, took some women with them, earning silent hate from the thunderians. Majorly speaking, the inhabitants of the town weren’t harmed. At all other times it was a peaceful town, full of joy and life...and sometimes fear of the evil that should return once again. I was as quiet as could be, specially when the Monsters came. As most of the women in Thunder, I tried my best not to resemble an attractive woman. Those were taken to realms of humanistic nightmare right away. I could not be defined as anything else than a former thunderian by the Monsters, who came suddenly, but never stayed for too long.

I spent most of my time in my little house, foreseing the happenings beyond future itself. Also I used the knowledge passed on to me by my family before and after I left them to protect their peaceful harmony of life. I used it only to help the people around me as they needed it. Never for my own good, as I was told by the high priests of my religion. I lost my faith along with my mind but the religion along with her sister tradition was still there, burnt deep into me like a posession mark. I was still young and considered very attractive. Thunderians thought I should get married. I used any excuse I could think of because I could not just reveal them that women never get maried where I come from. Besides – who needs a mostly insane wife? That is how I was never able to let anyone near me. Although I had a friend. Lady Marlene was the 19year-old daughter of a local teacher. A very smart and sensitive girl just my age. As I had noone to pass my knowledge to, I shared with her, because I knew she would protect those secrets with her life. She didn’t have the Sight or any other signs of a deeper mind, but her abilty to sense emotions and feelings of other people and her virtuosity in helping them with what they fell was bewildering. She was the only living person I could say I really loved with all my heart.

(komentēt)

Mental Asphyxia - ***

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