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December 11th, 2009
09:46 pm - In a perfect world...
Agnet: Dear John, I received your hologram this morning. I have been thinking about the outcome of your lifetime. I realized that you are wrong. If you had her, you would have found ways to survive, you would have tried harder. You gave up and ended up like this only because you chose to let her go.
And if I had you, it would have been a disaster. But I wouldn't have ended up like this either. I would never have the ambition and strength. I would have been just happy. Happyness does not require extra effort, it does not require anything else at all.
Maybe that is what separated us. Loss makes you weak, while it keeps me going. Only having no reason to live, gives me the confidence that I have nothing to lose.
Although, for you it was different. She...she was demanding, and she was your happiness, so I kind of see the main idea here. Nevertheless, me and you, we were too different and we still are.
John: Oh, sweet Agnet, I thought you would never reply again, after what I had said the last time. I was near death of fear to lose you, the only person who still knows the truth.
You are, once again, wise in your conclusions. Truth simply cannot evade you. Maybe that is why you are at your current position. And I am at mine. I have never really cared much for the truth. I mean the objective one. And I am so glad that holograms cannot capture tears. I know you cried, but I am glad I was not forced to see it. I like to think of you as of this inhumanly strong personality. It's what we all need.
But you ended up with David Walter. You ARE happy...are you not? That would be simply a disaster...
Agnet: Dear John, I am married to David Walter, and I am...in place with this marriage. But it is not the same thing as having you would have been. I mean, he is a wonderful person, but did you know that his name means "Jack" in translation from Xelavian? You probably did not know it was Xelavian at all, but I once knew this embassador...Nevermind. My idea is that there are two types of happy. One is closer to satisfied, it's the type I am stuck with forever after. The other is absolute harmony with self and universe. The thing that can only be achieved by finding your true soulmate, the love of your life...and I have already said too much. Oh, I wish I could erase this, but the holograms just do not work that way. They know you aren't supposed to erase the truth. John, I am sorry. Forget what I said, if you can.
John: Oh, sweet Agnet, Lady Agnet the Third, Queen of Terraj, no words in the world could make me much happier. But they are sadly coming too late. And yet, only in an alternate world could this equation be solved perfectly. Eleonora was my most perfect soulmate. And I am yours. Who did Eleonora fancy? That will remain hidden in time, but I fancy to believe it was me after all. And it is not like I am not fond of you. But as you said, my dear lady, there are two types of happy in this uneven world. And freedom is the ability to know which is which. Farewell, sweet lady, my time has nearly come. I pray you forgive me for not being able to return your most sincere love and affection in the same amounts, but I ensure you, it would be a problem to find another person on whole Terraj receiving even as much love as I devote to you, my only remaining friend and lover. I hope it has been enough.
Lady Agnet the Third: As the queen and high priestess of Terraj de Shal I must inform the people of this kingdom that a very important person has passed away recently. You may not have known him, but I did. And he is still of great importance to me and therefore to all of you. John Terraian Fay is a name you may have not heard before, but a name that will be praised and remembered ever after. This man was a genious. He could have become the emperor of Yort or even the high king of Terraj de Shal in my place, if he had not been in posession of such a great heart that rendered him useless after he lost the only one person that would have kept him going. She was stupid enough not to realize that she was his strength, that she would have led him to highest success, because he would have done it for her, to make her happy. Yes, her happiness was in power, money and all that the cult of Shal despises, and there is a reason for that too. This woman was my sister, Eleonora Yortaian Morgan. She lived and died much too fast. A boring life deserves a boring death. You might be shocked or confused by my speech, but I promise it will make sense in the nearest future. Just remember the name of John Terraian Fay, the man my heart belongs to ever after. Excuse my impoliteness of sending a hologram instead of personal appearance, but there are two things that are very important about these wonders of nature and science combined. A devilish paradox that maintains their beauty in my eyes.
Agnet: Post scriptum, for you, John, as I am quite certain you are still able to hear me somewhere up there where you are right now, so I am proud of my speech there and I hope you appreciate it. One sentence is important in all of this - it would have been enough even with a glance. Knwoing how much you cared for me, especially after she died, it was a heavenly blessing.
You know, being the high priestess of Terraj gave me this wonderful gift of sight. I see the future ever since I became a part of the cult. I see my granddaughter Princess Lea Ray (is that not funny? I myself laughed a lot when I first realized the joke my daughter made by chosing such a combination) becoming a Queen after I day and I am happy. And now I know there are three ways one can be happy in this world. This reminds me of how we first found out that there were three types of people...Oh, those glorious times on Earth. I will never forget them. Even after I die. Promise to look after my unfortunate sister until I join you?
People of Earth, a distant memory: Everything is relative and, you see, that is the problem. For every single one there comes a time when you have to decide yourdelf, when you have to set boundaries for your reality, because you cannot live in a fluctuating world forever. Most people are lucky enough not to notice this transgression. They are programmed from birth to chose one way or the other or third. For the rest of us it comes difficult. There are those you see in this mental institution, they are not able to handle the task and they go mad. Sort of a way of seting boundaries for reality. Different than for most people, but the essence of the problem is the same. And then there are those, like us, who never really decide and thus learn to cope with a fluctuating world. It can be a benefit of a loss. If you are a true undecider, you will be able to make it whatever it has to be, and change it when it has to be something else. Yes, we have more power over the reality than the majority of people, but we suffer, because we know, see and understand too much, more than anyone should. We are sort of a mistake of mother Nature, a slight miscalculation of the chief Architect. We were not supposed to happen, and it can be felt in every breath we take. Right now, you will see wheter you will decide like normal people do, go mad like the insane people to or become a lord of your own life like the geniouses do. And remember that with great power comes great responsibility.
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