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February 15th, 2009
07:31 pm
Alice in Wonderland. Chapter 7.
"Is that alright if I scream here?" I asked when I finally woke up enough to feel real.
"The whole town is screaming. You've heard it. Why would your little whisper bother anyone?"
Anyone? Was there anyone else? I haven't met any people, not that I remembered such process. I was usually quite sensitive with people. Every single scent of a new person, every single line was important to me. Each person was like a good book and I was never able to miss a single word of it. I was an unliving, hibernated being, but needed everyone else alive, as if I was feeding on them in a weird way.
"Ouch!" I somehow managed to cut my finger on the glass laying in small pieces all over the floor. Maybe those were remains of an unlucky mirror. But during the short moment before Alice was there to suck the blood from my small injury I managed to see the small creek of blood racing from the smooth cut. The sight of blood launched a set of visions in my mind. Not like dreams, not like anything else I've seen. It was more like a revelation - future, present and the past combined in one huge Universe. Yes, there were stars and galaxies. All the colours and also some that did not exist formed in front of me! There were also people I knew and the ones I would only meet. Several events to notice, but my mind was too weak for such stream of information. In a second Alice was holding a collapsed body in her sweetly warm and caring arms, brushing her fingers through my golden hair she seemed to simply adore. If only she could have seen what I saw. All the deaths and catastrophes...mass suicides, murders, invasions and wars...that's the world she admires, there would be no limit for her childish joy. Just like there was none for my deep sorrow that found me for the first time since Alice did. My unconscious mind was working on the received images. I instantly knew most of the things that were going to happen, most of blood of my loved ones that would spill, as rivers of blood was what I mostly saw...and felt. Destruction, havoc and complete chaos. All of it did not bother me. Just one death I felt happening at the very moment I cut my finger, this death threw me in quite a frustrating depression which was still there when I finally came to life to see her bright eyes fixed on me, watching with certain concern. And she instantly felt my moral devastation.
Now, disappointed Alice is something to see. Her fragile body convulsed in anger and the fairy-like face grimaced so that she almost seemed ugly, as if she ever could. She would gladly torture me, but apparently saw no use of doing so. So the grand piano was the one to suffer. I'd never heard her play before. The music she created was as much fairy-tale as she herself, as if it reflected the depths of her non-existent soul. I was sure to note the roughness and aggressive tones to the mood she was in, despite the mood I was in. Hello, I'm still here, but I don't want you to notice me right now.
It was probably the fact of me loving someone else more than her that had this effect.
I took the last smoke I had in my pocket and went out on the balcony which reminded me more of a terrace. Never fear open spaces, as they mean no harm - so had my mother said back then. I lighted the cigarette and froze in astonishment.
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Sviesta Ciba |