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October 10th, 2009
11:40 pm
-Got anything for me today? - A tall man just walked up to a huge assembly of transportation containers. There is a hideous storm outside, not a soul in miles radius. But the dealers never sleep.
-Sure, just got some new stuff. How much do you need this time? - A young guy hesitates for a moment, until he recognizes the man that approached him, he is friendly and relaxed.
-Just a half.
-Alright. By the way, how's Jade? - A painful expression appears in the man's eyes. They seem to sink into darkness, almost as if it was just resurfacing. He pulled out a cigarette and put it in his mouth.
-She's dead. - He found the lighter and lighted the cigarette.
-Gee, dude, I'm so...how? - The young guy hesitates, he's never dealed with death before, obviously. The dealers don't deal with death.
-Two shots right through the heart. London underground. They say it was an accident. - The man's intonations are weird. He might be thinking about something else at the moment. Another world, another planet preferably.
-Didn't she work for the government?
-Yes. She did. - He emphasizes the past. He puts out the cigarette and puts his hands in the pockets of the army jacket. It's freezing in the rain, it's always freezing.
-Oh. I see now. I'm so very sorry. You two were inseparable. - Like a strike to the heart. He's young, but he knows how to kill a person, without even touching him.
-We got married a couple of months ago.
-You must be in pain, dude, I'm so sorry. - He's so sorry. You can see it in his eyes, in his mouth, in his posture, all of him is sorry. Sorry he started the topic. He so didn't want to learn this.
-I know that.
-I heard that you lead the rebels now. But I never heard about her.
-I don't talk about it much. I can't talk about it much. - The man stares into the ground, as if trying to find a well-hidden coin. They say it's luck, if you pick up a coin on the street.
-You're doing it for her then? - The man suddenly looks at the yound dealer and smiles into the past.
-We wanted to do this together. Can I just get my stuff, Hank, hurry up.
-Yeah, right, here you go. - The young one hands over a package of fairy dust and takes the money.
-Thanks. - This man is more than glad to get out of there finally. He needs his peace. He remembered he needs peace, right now. He tries to fetch another cigarette, but it falls to the ground. He swears quietly, but does not try to light another one. His hands are shaking.
-Come again. And...I'm sorry, dude. - This young guy is friendly and relaxed. He smiles to the night, but he doesn't mean it. He goes back inside the container. There is so much to do.
-Right, right, that's right. - He's in a hurry now.
I remember her sitting there on the very edge of the window. Our house was so old and wooden, I have always liked those. So she would sit there, facing the rooftops of so many other similar houses, and she would light a cigarette. I thought it was ridiculous, to smoke, that is, I tried to hide her lighters, but it seemed like she had them stashed everywhere. And I gave up and accepted her smoking, even though I never stopped teasing her about it. No, actually, I did. But right then, on that window, in my shirt, with messy hair and a cigarette she looked as desirable as a woman could be. I came up to her and put my arms around her, like the first time we met, and I whispered the meaning of life into her, and she gave me her breath, full of smoke. Our room was in the attic of the house, because we thought it the most convenient, and the cheapest too. We almost fell out the window in this strike of passion, but we surived, only to loose eachother a couple of months later. But right then, I could call her mine and it was all I needed for life.
And then she had enough of it. She decided to take action. Jade would never give up on her country, but she despised the government. She wanted each one of them dead. And I had something she needed so much. Let us not be biological at this point, my friends.
Now, there is only this nausea. I don't smoke to bring her back. I smoke to be nauseaus, to remind myself of the reality. The ugly one. Very ugly, the opposite of her. But the smoke was her breath. And I believed that it made me nauseaus for a reason.
A reaload of the gun now and forward on to the sense of this.
So, she needed me. I asumed it was for my admirable talent of persuasion, of making people listen to me and do what I say. She said I was a natural leader without an engine. And she would be my engine. Talent to persuade I definitely had, otherwise, how could I have persuaded her to marry me? No, not that funny now. We had no other choice, we were a part of one mechanism. She was a leading spirit with no body. (If we asume that her most gorgeous body did not count) I was a leading body, but with no spirit.
And I still had no spirit. Or was there just the spirit left?
It's hold in here I can hardly breathe. Then again, it seems cold everywhere.
The government continued repressions and violence. Gunshots can be heard all over the place. They destroyed the nation they were supposed to protect. This is what Jade was fighting against. She was going to organize the rebel movement. I succeeded. I formed an army of my own. I connected it with divisions from other regions. We had weaponry and everything she dreamed of. But I had fairy dust, and I found my only solace in the wicked delusions it made me feel.
Sometimes I thought I could go back in time.
Sometimes I thought that the world had changed to the best.
And then I woke up from the fairytale, and I led the rebels into a revolution and into their death. These fine men, not all of the though, would die on the battlefield. Their wives would loose husbands, their mothers would loose sons. We had a lot of brave women in the division, too. They were the best of the best. They were fighting for their freedom and for the freedom of their children.
Was it fair that I took up the leadership? A damaged man, a damaged delusional man, who had nothing to fight for. Sometimes it seemed like the strength came from my cigarettes.
What will the world be like after the dictators are gone? What will the world be like after this war is won? What will the world be like with no dealers and no assasins? I am going to find out pretty soon.
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