Mental Asphyxia - Post a comment

July 7th, 2009

01:24 am - I claim to be sane
It just came into my mind that if I had to think more about what people think of me, I would most probably realize how much they must hate me or even worse just not care about me. I am not a friendly "hello" person, sometimes not a very smiley person, I do not know how to say the right thing, as I do not even have an idea of what the right thing is in each situation. Sometimes I am smart enough to remain silent, sometimes I say the wrong thing, not even meaning anything offensive, even though it always ends up like that anyway. It is sort of difficult to be nice to people for some funky unknown reasons. My hugest sin, however, is respecting other people's privacy too much, including their names which I sometimes do not even bother to remember. I do not use the names, because they might not like it or the sound of it (like I hate mine being pronounced over and over again), I also leave introducing themselves to the selves, because their name and more importantly their choice do not belong to me. I do not attack people with random questions like "Greetings, dear sir, may you comment on how it's going?" just because we share an elevator or live in the same house. I respect other people's privacy. Also, maybe I am holding on to the "Don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you" golden rule a slightest bit too much. In that case, I must be officially weird. Should I change or should I stay?

So, when does a person become polite enough to be percepted as rude?

For all of the above, I have been yelled at since early childhood. And not even that could change me. They actually said I was wild in the bad way. In fact, I am not polite at all, maybe I am just so out of my mind that I fear the ones like me, the mad people, who could suddenly start screaming at you for no obvious reason. The sad part being - you can rarely tell just by how they look, but something more will be too late. But I, I just went from wild to polite and then...to insane.

As my season fades, I curl up in a fancy armchair across the window with a double coffee and my four warm sweaters, and I say "Hello, Winter", because the Ice Queen deserves more than my politeness and less than my fear. This painting will be impossibly private.
Why? 'Cause of the air resistance.

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