12:03 am
Very naughty...
The story I'm about to tell,
I tell you, I will tell it well,
Is of my dear Aunt Muriel
And just how I've been...
Naughty...
[Eustace: "The freak's a barber. A freaky barber, with his own freaky barber shop, where freaky things happen. Freaky barber things!"]
Voila, the farm. My aunt lives here
With precious pup and husband dear.
My heart beat fast as I drew near
I felt so nice and...
Naughty...
I thought just how excited they
Must be that I would come today
They'd shout "Come Fred! Huzzah! Hooray!
"Dear boy you look so...
"Naughty..."
That's when my tired eyes beheld
A doggy dog, like dog he smelled.
D-O-G is what he spelled,
And that's how I spell...
Naughty...
[Eustace: "Gotta go to the hardware store, to get the, you know, to fix the bathroom door. Just don't try shuttin it, because you won't be able to get it open."]
[Muriel: "You must be exhausted, Fred dear. Would you like to freshen up?]
"Yes, been quite a trip, it has."
[Muriel: "Show Fred the bathroom, please Courage?"]
Alone was I with tender Courage
And all his fur, his furry furage.
Which, I say, did encourage
Me to be quite...
Naughty...
"Courage... Your hair... It reminds me of the first time I knew just how I felt about hair."
It was a day I do not forget.
The day that I first met my pet.
Oh, what a lovely gift to get.
I've never felt so...
Naughty...
My fuzzy friend was what he was.
This darling little ball of fuzz,
And oh, such fuzz, such fuzz it does
Demand that I be...
Naughty...
He looked at me, his fetching eyes,
And fetching fur did hypnotize.
I filled with a joy, I filled with sighs
And that's when I got...
Naughty...
"Now, now. You shouldn't play in the toilet."
This dripping hair, this droopy curl
Unfurled sweet memories of a girl
With tresses, oh, they'd twist and twirl
And tempt me to be...
Naughty...
Barbara, my love was named
And her fair hair, a mane untamed.
Untill one evening, I'm ashamed,
I got a little...
Naughty...
The looks upon my young love's face,
Was sweet as lace, but in this case
I realized she needed space.
I nevermore was...
Naughty...
well... maybe not never...
"Playful little scamp"
"No need for panic. Behold, sustenance, hungry whelp."
Dear cur, your fur and fleece remind
Of nothing bound in humankind.
But, for one fellow, who did find
Me to be in a certain mood.
Into my shop he walked one day,
With bush above and beard bouquet.
That's no toupee, I pray. No way
I could help to be...
You know...
I'd never seen such hair before.
His bangs, they sang.
His neck, it beckoned.
Eyebrows, armpits, all were reckoned.
Soon I figured, what the heck, and
Yes, how I was...
Naughty...
"Sweet pooch, afraid I'll shave your tail? Why now, that would be weird."
So ends out little story.
But then my landlords did presume
To free me from that porcelan tomb,
And ferry to a private room
Your hero, ever doughty.
Good-bye dear aunt, I'll miss your farm,
and Eustace's ebullient charm.
And, farewell Courage, what's the harm
If I was slightly...
Naughty?
With Love,
Fred