Linda lido

how can a person be so lost all of a sudden? living easy, living free and after 2 month realizing that there are no such things , and when you are finally sober from all the excitement (and alcohol as well , of course :D ) you feel much more lost than before. I came here and for all this time I thought that I'm finally starting to know myself, to see what kind of person I can be. But now it feels so weird. You can start from a blank page, nobody knows you here. But after a while you see that whatever you do the "old" personality follows you like a shadow. Today i realized that the person I became here is slowly turning back into person I was back home. Worried. Stressed. Over-thinking everything. Sad. Tired. Confused. All of the characteristics which I threw out at the moment I got on the plane. Ma vafankulo, I don't want to go backwards. I hope that there is still a possibility for me to stop this process of returning to the state when it occurs to me that I'm so unhappy to be myself. or maybe this is just false alarm caused by autumn depression or something.
And the funny thing is that right now everything is as great as it gets. I have a lot of friends, I have a lot of great things to do, I don't have to worry about money (yet :D ) or studies, i have met a great guy who is everything you can hope for and more. Why can't I just be happy for all this, at least for the reason that nothing lasts. And I know almost precise date when this all will end. I don't know how I became so complicated, but right now I am so irritated by myself, I could give five to myself. in the face. with a chair.
and another thing- haha, I write in english. Che cosa e? (also italian) But not because I don't love my dear language, but because this is easier to express myself without being myself, so when I read this, it seems more distant from me.