es gribu izjust kaut ko tik dzēlīgi, that would eat me up whole. consume me to my very core, leaving me numb. I WANT TO FEEL! I'm sick and tired of staying still while my insides boil. Restless! All the little ants in my head are sprinting their own race. It's impossable to catch them all, and i have no tools but my hands that i don't wish to stain.

My mother showed me an article on wheight-gain today. How sweet of her :) It only made me cry my heart out. :)

I've just been feeling myself latelty - pathetic and wimpy as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary. Stuck in the same restless gloom. I have reasons, of course! I always do, though everyone else fails to see them till i spit them out. But it's not as if there's a single human that would care to know... except my mother, of course. Not that it's worth exhausting her.

I read ALL my old entries (instead of sleeping, i know). I like re-reading my thoughts. OOH! it would be so curious to read my old diaries, just to check if i was the same then, as now. I'm sure my self-critisim started only after 14.