i have no significant other,

i have no source of stable income,

i cannot talk to my mother,

i am neurotic, and

i am bi-polar,

i am obsessed with eating,

i have stress related isomania,

on my own, i am easily de-motivated,

i am socially akward,

i live on my own,

i get depressed from the smallest lack from perfection, (so i need to steer myself into the right view of what perfection is.. which is so time consuming)

depression does not equal motivation

i am undecisive

my mother hystericaly thinks i am dying

i think i am dying

people have great expectations of me,

i have great expectations of myself,

i have numerous paralel projects because everyone wants a piece of my cake

(have i ever even asked myself what I want from all this? yes. i am sure of what i want. but usually i do thinks for stupid funny reasons that help me keep myself from making myself extinct but i often forget these reasons in many situations because of HEY SHORT TERM MEMORY! aha! THAT is the key.. i think that was a result of brain damage from lack of sleep. now we're getting somewhere...)

but just want to find a way to live and get my ingredients (from more cake?)

as a result of these problems i have fallen out of social contact, i have had little time or energy or resource to keep up with history, literature, science, who and what to talk about. can't keep up. these things move faster than you realize. without this.. i can just be blankface->boredom->inner dialouge-> depression

rule is:

must never stay up late all night. must never stay up late all night. but somehow i never learn. it's ok once, and then the next time it isn't

never buy chocolate, never keep chocolate or very tasty foods, breads, cakes in the house, i love the taste, i abuse these foods, especially after not sleeping - in result i have too much energy to sleep

must never drink coffee (how can i explain this in the MILLION akward social situations that arise?) (ok shut up sabine) (its ok will be fine)

never eat very salty or lest dry foods (cannot stop eating them and the result is a terrible, terrible feeling - drink buckets of water afterwards and run around like crazy and upset for HOURS)

must not eat very tasty foods other than greens, healthy stuff on my own

must not eat more than i can burn (if no physical activity is involved), or else I use this energy in thinking instead





>must not think about suicide