Aug. 29., 2013 | 01:10 pm
We can repair what your husband fixed.
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Aug. 27., 2012 | 02:54 pm
Sometimes I drink a glass of water just to surprise my liver.
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Jul. 31., 2012 | 10:37 am
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
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Jul. 30., 2012 | 11:02 am
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
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vot vot vot
Jul. 27., 2012 | 04:00 pm
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
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Jul. 20., 2012 | 02:31 pm
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn't use real dinosaurs.
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Quote of the Day
Mar. 25., 2011 | 12:17 pm
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
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Quote of the Day
Mar. 23., 2011 | 10:57 am
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
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Quote of the Day
Nov. 11., 2010 | 02:17 pm
Nav ko likt!
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Quote of the Day
Nov. 10., 2010 | 09:19 am
Without geography, you're nowhere.
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Quote of the Day
Nov. 9., 2010 | 09:33 am
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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Quote of the Day
Nov. 8., 2010 | 09:40 am
And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!"
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Quote of the Day
Nov. 5., 2010 | 08:55 am
If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me
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Quote of the Day
Nov. 4., 2010 | 10:30 am
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.
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Quote of the Day
Nov. 3., 2010 | 09:14 am
I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem.
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Quote of the Day
Nov. 2., 2010 | 09:03 am
I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.
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Quote of the Day
Nov. 1., 2010 | 09:24 am
Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
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Quote of the Day
Okt. 29., 2010 | 09:28 am
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
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Quote of the Day
Okt. 27., 2010 | 10:32 am
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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Quote of the Day
Okt. 26., 2010 | 09:55 am
I never said most of the things I said.
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Quote of the Day
Okt. 25., 2010 | 10:19 am
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
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Quote of the Day
Okt. 22., 2010 | 10:18 am
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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Quote of the Day
Okt. 21., 2010 | 12:32 pm
All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
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Quote of the Day
Apr. 16., 2010 | 12:26 pm
Save the planet - it's the only one with beer.
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Quote of the Day
Apr. 15., 2010 | 02:57 pm
I am free of all prejudice, I hate everyone equally.
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Quote of the Day
Apr. 7., 2010 | 12:34 pm
I don't have an ego, I just love how awesome I am.
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Quote of the Day
Mar. 31., 2010 | 12:05 pm
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
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Quote of the Day
Mar. 30., 2010 | 03:26 pm
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
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Quote of the Day
Mar. 29., 2010 | 03:37 pm
I’ve got problem for your solution.
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Quote of the Day
Mar. 25., 2010 | 01:44 pm
I put two and two together and decided that you're pissing me off.
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Quote of the Day
Mar. 11., 2010 | 09:54 am
Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.
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Quote of the Day
Mar. 10., 2010 | 11:05 am
It is not my fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!
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Quote of the Day
Mar. 9., 2010 | 12:43 pm
The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.
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Quote of the Day
Mar. 4., 2010 | 12:23 pm
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
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Quote of the Day
Mar. 3., 2010 | 11:45 am
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Quote of the Day
Mar. 2., 2010 | 01:17 pm
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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Quote of the Day
Feb. 26., 2010 | 11:50 am
Whatever it is — I didn't do it!
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Quote of the Day
Feb. 25., 2010 | 11:42 am
jūtos: negulējis
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
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Quote of the Day
Feb. 24., 2010 | 11:49 am
If "con" is the opposite of "pro", is "congress" the opposite of "progress"?
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Quote of the Day
Feb. 23., 2010 | 01:28 pm
How fast is the speed of dark?
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Quote of the Day
Feb. 22., 2010 | 12:12 pm
Whoever said that words can’t hurt you, has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Quote of the Day
Feb. 19., 2010 | 02:38 pm
Just remember, if the world did not suck, we'd all fall off.
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Quote of the Day
Feb. 18., 2010 | 12:03 pm
šobrīd skan: The Mars Volta - Metatron
Am I naked? Because, in my nightmares, I'm usually naked.
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Quote of the Day
Feb. 17., 2010 | 10:31 am
I smile because I have no idea what's going on.
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Quote of the Day
Feb. 16., 2010 | 11:45 am
šobrīd skan: Elbow - Starlings
I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.
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Quote of the Day
Feb. 15., 2010 | 12:19 pm
šobrīd skan: One Day As A Lion: If You Fear Dying
Everyone has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
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Quote of the Day
Feb. 14., 2010 | 11:59 am
It only hurts until the pain goes away.
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Quote of the Day
Feb. 12., 2010 | 12:22 pm
I'm not saying I don't trust you, and I'm not saying I do. But I don't.
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Quote of the Day
Feb. 11., 2010 | 11:59 am
šobrīd skan: Iggy Pop - I Want to Go to the Beach
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.