Pērkons

Stupidity is genetic. If you don’t believe me, ask your parents.

I had amnesia once......or twice.

I don't know how clouds get formed, but the clouds know how, and that's what's important.

A day without sunshine is like night.

When I’m holding a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Today is the first day of the rest of this mess.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now people take Prozac to make the world normal.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

Welcome to hell. Here's your accordion.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Vegetarian is an old Indian word meaning ‘bad hunter’.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

Santa Claus had the right idea; visit people only once a year.

If you can't say something nice, sit next to me.

I have a perfect body, but it's in the trunk and starting to smell.

Some call it a six-pack. I call it a support group.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Have a nice day...somewhere else.

I'm not shy. I just don't like you.

Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors!

What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice?

Hello. Urology Department. Can you hold?

Don't worry about what other people think. They don't do it very often.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance.

All I ask is for a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Gravity is a myth. Earth sucks.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Drugs cause amnesia and, some other things I can't remember.

Some say love makes the world go round. I say whiskey makes it go round twice as fast.

It's not that you and I are so clever. It's that others are such fools.

I am living the dream. I'm not sure who's dream it is, but I feel sad for them.

Sometimes I just wanna put on a bunny suit and scream.

So many people, so few places to hide the bodies.

On the other hand – you have different fingers.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

"I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this."

Ermo Filips