He is arguing, after all, that the decisive factor is not the strength of our attachment to the one we have lost. It isn't love, but the mixture of love and hate that matters. We'll have difficulties in mourning not because we loved someone too much, as common sense might suggest, but because our hatred was so powerful. Perhaps it is the very effort to separate the love and hate that incapacitates the mourner, leaving them trapped in a painful and devastating limbo that can take the form of exhaustion or panic.

(Darian Leader "The New Black: Mourning, Melancholia and Depression")