but i'm not willing them to be different and i'm not pretending not to think something. this is literally all i do - thinking them and accepting them, and that is what makes me sadder. sometimes i think that maybe if i stopped thinking my true thoughts, maybe i would be happier. and whenever i stop for a while i do become happier. but then i remember that those are not my true thoughts, that my true thoughts are unhappy thoughts, and then i think them again, and become super unhappy.