jaa es saprotu, bet i often find, ka 'it doesn't feel right' because i don't give it a chance to develop while i'm attached to grasping at some concept of how i'm feeling at that present moment. and if only i could forget about myself and focus on those people, then i suddenly push through and some gate opens and this perfect interaction unfolds. but i don't wanna forget about myself. un shis ir tas kas peec tam saap, jo lai tiktu pie shiis effortless interakcijas 1) ir forcefully jaaizmirst par sevi 2) jaaziedo savi koncepti par to kaa tu juuties un kas esi 3) uz briidi, liidz atveras tie mistiskie vaarti jaaiziet no savas komfortzonas - un shis viss prieksh kam? tu vienkaarshi nezini. bet if you don't do it you feel isolated and shit

my point is, jaa visas komunikaacijas saakas ar devu awkwardness, un ja tu pie taa awkwardness apstaajies un pasaki 'i can't do this this is shit i will lose it and despise myself and those people if i have to continue this convo' tad it sets a pattern for all your future interactions i think, and that's it for you then. bet ja tu push through, tad pat briizhos, kad tev shkjiet ka tev pohuj un negribas runaat, technically ir iespeejama effortless un engaging komunikaacija pat ar visgarlaiciigaako pasaules cilveeku, jo eventually katraa cilveekaa ir kaut kas twisted and unexpected un interesants, tam tikai ir gruuti noticeet before you go all in and follow those steps. es domaaju issue sheit ir nevis vai tas ir iespeejams or whatnot, bet prieksh kam? kur visas shiis komunikaacijas muus noved? ko vinjas nozimee?

bet jaa, like, katra sincere runaashana ar cilveekiem man gandriiz fiziski shkjiet painful or disturbing in a way, either its too wonderful to deal and i don't know what it means, vai arii it makes you constantly push aside your selfishness and ignorant parts of your mind