17 May 2017 @ 05:17 pm
 
kaads shodien labs lietus. may apathy be the respite from intensity. shuumeejies cik gribi bubuli, es visam pretim lieku maigu klusumu, kas pienjem un veel pasaka paldies. es juutu kaa es visam apakshaa esmu okeaans, un tie tintes pilieni, ko tu man pilini virsuu, lai cik tie buutu melni un ruugti, lai kaa tie siivi zhnjaugtu kaklu un sirdi, kaut kaads dziljsh speeks mani uz mirkli saviljnjo un es atceros visu. tad es klusi un maigi atguljos okeaanaa un ar to sapluustu, kameer tas man noglaasta tinti no sirsninjas un no pieres.

es jau paaris nedeeljas neesmu atjaunojusi kartes numuru savam telefona piesleegumam, kas noziimee ka man aarpus maajaam un darba nav data. un jau paaris dienas tas ir labi. es braucu vilcienaa, kalusos muuziku un skatos uz pukjiiteem. es iedomaajos, kaa attaalums starp mani un pukjiiteem un kokiem, mana izmisiigaa nespeeja ar tiem sapluust, manas ilgas - taa ir grandioza miilestiiba, kas plesh manu sirdi un praatu un apzinju. es dazhreiz gribu nopirkt vilciena biljeti uz taalu vietu tikai taapeec, lai es stundaam no vietas vareetu klausiities muuziku un skatiities taalumaa, kas skaisti vijaas un mainaas.

pabeidzu skatiities 13 reasons why. sabeedaajos. atgaadinaaja par to konstanto sajuutu, ka jaa, fine, i know people care on some level, bet ne dramatiski un viscerally, they are all strangers and they don't care enough, it's all so tepid, timid, and i want people to care about me so much that they would come up to me and take my hand and tell me it is out of the question that i could ever isolate myself from them. pat ja es speciaali atshuju cilveekus, es gribu lai vinji naak pie manis par spiiti. es gribu lai vinji sirdii saprot kaa tas kaa es vinjus ignoreeju ir kaa es sappiigi kliedzu, ka es gribu lai vinji naak. bet alas, kaa jau backstreet boys sen atpakalj teica 'how can it be, you're asking me to feel the things you never show'. tad paarnjem taads, labi, it's just you and me kid, buusim okeaans, kas shkjiidina tinti, yesterday today tomorrow forever, jo tas ir muusu darbs un pienaakums un vieniigaa iespeejamaa miilestiiba liidz muuzha beigaam.

pirms paaris meeneshiem netiishaam nopirku biljeti atkal uz zhizheka un will self diskusiju, kas ir shovakar. lai arii esmu paarstraadaajusies, neizguleejusies, pmsiiga, un saskumusi, es izdomaaju, ka ieshu tikuntaa, jo zhizhexXx mani iedvesmo. uzvilkshu peljkju botas, nopirkshu decaf soy late, un kaa vientuljsh kundzinjsh okeaans pavadiishu zoliidi vakaru.
 
 
17 May 2017 @ 09:58 pm
 
Will Self par Zhizheku:

1) you always obsess about logos, logos, logos.. reading your books feels like my head is being clenched between Socrates' tighs

2) i just want to know how Kant, Hegel, Lacan, Marx and Freud can show me how the fuck to get out of this shit i (the world) am in

Will Self ir apaatisks un rupjsh, bet Slavojs ir apaatiski ceriigs un es vinju miilu oh oh oh un gribu lai vinjsh astonju stundu garumaa tieshi savaa concise balsii lasa man vakara pasacinju par savaam edgy teorijaam