Andromeda

I've failed you and I have nothing to say to you. I don't have anything to say to anyone. Everything is just meaningless. 

My shoes arrive next week. I run next week. 

Muse is the only band that has not disappointed me over years. 

“To be prepared against surprise is to be trained. To be prepared for surprise is to be educated."

Oh 30 Seconds To Mars you lucky bastards to tour together with Muse! 

There are days I don't want to exist like this anymore. Way too often now. It is quite bad. I guess. 

I don't think you will ever understand. Today I sat on the Moon and ran in summer rain, and drank your tears. 

Waiting: Ghost in the Shell

Today's conversation was healthy. I must not get sidetracked. Focus on right things. I must breath and be peaceful. It is easy to get lost.  

Go ahead. Look for absolution, hope in despair, pray for forgiveness of your sins. Who knows maybe in the end you will reach the golden gates of Paradise. Or Nirvana. Or Hell. Or Universal consciousness. Or whatever you choose to believe. Yes, I don't believe any of that crap is also belief. Whatever helps you to go on living. To justify you being here. Staying here. 

I am so angry. 

Made a list for garden. Can't wait to get my hands dirty again.

Passengers was so cheesy. Both characters should have been dead after that stunt with reactor.  

“Expectation is the mother of all frustration.”

You can be on top of the world, you can be the best, you can be superstar, you can be special etc. These are the things we have to throw out of our minds. Because they are not helping us to achieve greatness, they just frustrate us and burn us out. 

“Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind.”

Lately enjoyed:

The Young Pope  - Juda Law completely redeemed himself in my eyes

NRK Anno

The Expanse

Meditation on headspace.com

News about SpaceX plans to fly around Moon next year

If it is not me, it is someone else. I don't know if I can handle anyone else. I need someone stronger than me. So that when I can't..Pick me up of the floor and breath the life in me. 

“Isolating yourself erodes your health, and sitting in a chair all day is a recipe for neuroses. Get off the Internet, turn off your screens, and go have guilt-free fun playing with your friends! You’ll be less anxious, less lonely, more relaxed, and a whole lot happier.” 

“Just remember: Sad people tend to focus on the lyrics, while happy people just listen to the music.”   - I guess I have always been sad?

“The physical sensations that preceded my panic attacks were the jitters (shaking hands, quivering voice) and a rapid resting heart rate. Guess what gave me both of those sensations? Coffee.”   - quit coffee, drink water, tea, use sugar-free gum

T.R.E

Micronutrient deficiency test -  46,29 EUR, will do

“A company is stronger if it is bound by love rather than by fear…. If the employees come first, then they’re happy.” If only companies in Latvia would understand this principle. 

99 points out of 100. Still room for improvement. They took a point from punctuality. Are you kidding me? From everywhere they could have deducted points, they deducted it from punctuality, because I sometimes forgot to switch from 'pause' to 'ready' in the system in time. This is so frustrating and lame. 

Also I have to work with my non-existing confidence. As soon as I will have my confidence back, you can trust me, I will be gone with the wind. And I will have it back!

“It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.”

Second evaluation tomorrow.  Fuck. Every day is struggle not to flip the table and throw in towel. Fuck you motherfuckers! Haha. 

Why try to mend something that is already broken? Just throw it away. It is easy. Easy! You do it with things, you do it with people. The day I start believing this kind of thinking is when everything will fall apart. Yet so many people do it all the time. Makes me sick to my stomach. How can it be it does not kill you inside? 

I will not be lonely forever and I will not miss you forever, and I will be happy again. 

Think stranger. 

And it did not take long. 

This is not the time to understand. This is the time to wait and let the path unfold. So let your mind to meditate and be in wide open space.

Rewatching The Vampire Diaries

“People tend to abandon the good system they’ll follow in search of the perfect system that they will quit.”

Most of the time we are limiting ourselves. 

Having little rituals throughout day makes me happier.