6/18/16 03:44 pm There's no country left To love and cherish It's gone, it's gone for good It's you and me babe Survivors To hunt and gather memories Of the great nation we were There's no countries left To fight and conquer I think I destroyed them all It's human nature The greatest hunter Will survive alone With no one left to love There's no culture left To love and cherish It's gone, you know it's gone for good A trillion memories Lost in space and time for ever more I just wanted I just needed to be loved |
Andromeda
Life long story
6/14/16 11:22 pmWhat if I never want anyone else like I wanted Him? What if no one will ever want me like I wanted Him? |
6/14/16 11:18 pm Rocket science back at the old days.
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6/4/16 09:50 pm Philadelphus coronarius is blooming already. A little too early. I take a deep breath of the sweetness and it takes me places no one will ever know.
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6/2/16 08:08 pm "Love didn’t happen to us. We’re in love because we each made the choice to be." Some just love to be in love, but most of the times it has nothing to do with love. To love someone is a choice. Falling love, maybe not so. Simple truth that answers a lot of questions. Also seems we can't ever trust someone completely that they will never make up their minds and choose something else instead. I see now how my idea of love and complete trust is just movie and fairy tale induced delusions. Unless you find someone who shares your delusions. And even if you find someone like that it would probably fade as quickly, because it won't be as pretty, clean and nice. There will be pain and struggle, and ugly truth of who we try to hide from all the people around us, at work, our "friends" and families. We want only beautiful walks aside lakes, flowers, passion, laughs and holding hands. Of course you can try to attempt to have that all the time, but life is not that pretty at all and it will sneak in arguments about completely stupid things, we will hurt each other just because we can't really see through other persons eyes and we can't feel what they feel. We can try our best to explain, but it won't work, because you can't dress feelings and emotions in words. They will see what they know and feel anyways. Love for me is to accept other person and to be willing to at least try to appreciate who they are. For me it is choice to ignore the imperfections the best way I can, though I also know that I would fail at it a lot of times, because I'm not perfect too and sometimes those ugly things, those imperfections and struggle how people attempt to work through them seem to me more beautiful and deeper than fairy tale stuff. What do you do when you choose to love someone and they choose not to? You walk away too? Normally people do, right? Love is just tricky business for your heart and your mind too. The one that screams, that trust is broken and pride is hurt. Or is it heart that tells us those things? If love was a business, a tricky one, but business, we would say - risks can pay off, right? I'm not sure I like such risks anymore. Being broken changes how one threads through life. |
5/29/16 02:29 am Only the very closest people can hurt us in the most violent ways. The ones we let in our souls and hearts. It is almost as if we have this need to be hurt. Even if they actually want only good things for you. One day they will be gone just like everything else. The thought of it makes me want to cave and hide away from world and people. That is my loneliness. Just scared, little girl. Afraid to be in pain. That pain. I just want to turn it all off. Numb all of it, but I can't escape it. It will catch me again.
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5/19/16 11:38 pm I don't want to torture myself with thoughts about what the silence means. I don't want to, because I can see with clarity now, in this moment, I will be stronger and more beautiful being than ever. It doesn't matter if you believe me or not. It is my truth, It is something no one can take away from me.
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4/26/16 08:47 pm Book: Fluent Forever: How to Learn Any Language Fast and Never Forget It by Gabriel Wyner; The Checklist Manifesto: How to Get Things Right by Atul Gawande Music: Beyonce Lemonade album, P!nk - Just Like Fire and everything else she has done in past TV series: Blindspot, Game of Thrones, House M.D. Food: Oat cookies Drink: Green tea Craving: Long dress Thought: If I will be ok, I will be ok because of myself and no one else. I will be there for myself. I will be strong and beautiful. Favorite human: Timothy Ferriss, Alecia Beth Moore Project: Building wooden boxes for raised bed garden Move:Russian twists with 26 pound kettle-bell Quote:"If we survive this threat, and it's not over, another one will be back to take its place. To take what we have. I love you all here, I do, but I'd have to kill for you, and I can't. I won't." |
4/13/16 11:09 pm - I love smell of soil after rain Bought silliest thing ever today - a toy watering can for watering my seedlings. People might have looked weird at this treasure. Ha!
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4/10/16 02:36 am - Travaillant pour elle Book: Fluent Forever: How to Learn Any Language Fast and Never Forget It by Gabriel Wyner Song: ZHU, Skrillex, THEY - Working For It; Yuna, Usher - Crush TV series: Blindspot Food: Black bread, butter and baked egg Craving: Running and not to feel like shit while doing it Thought: It was never my choice. I don't deserve to feel like shit. I deserve so much better. Everything will be ok. I love myself. I am ok with people not understanding me, don't feel like I owe them explenation for me being me or my actions. Just do it. Favorite human: Talulah Riley, Heidi Somers Project: Planted first seeds for garden Event: SpaceX landed first stage on drone ship on 8th of April
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3/29/16 07:54 pm Planning garden makes me happy. I am sad most of the time.
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3/8/16 11:10 pm - ... I don't want to know you. Universe knows I tried to be my better self and I would have done so much more. But no one will ever come that close again. I've lost all hope in humans. I've been hurt in ways I will never be able to forgive. Yes, it is sad and lonely, but it hurts less this way.
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3/2/16 11:39 pm "You know what I love most about Mars? They still dream. We gave up. They're an entire culture dedicated to a common goal, working together as one to turn a lifeless rock into a garden. We had a garden and we paved it." |
3/1/16 07:44 pm F society! Screw you and all your pressure. I don't want to marry.. ever and more I think about it, I don't want to put another child on this Earth to see this hell hole. It is criminal. And true love is a made up thing. Chemical in our brain, telling us we should procreate. I've seen enough suffering in my life to create more of it. I will kill all the urges and all that's left of this myth, naive crap and hope for true something. You were never truly loved You have only been betrayed You were never truly nurtured By churches of the state You were left unprotected To these wild and fragile lands But you can rise up like a God Arm yourself You can be strong You can build a nuclear power Transform the earth to your desire Free your mind from false beliefs You can be the commander in chief You can hide your true motives To dismantle and destroy Now you finally have the codes I have given you the code 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, fire
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2/21/16 08:41 pm Damn.I run out of good stuff way too fast. At least Vikings are back and Lucifer is finally out. Any recommendations? |
2/18/16 09:52 pm Too many compliments. I believe none of them.
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2/6/16 11:45 pmTā laikam ir stadija, kad skatoties Friends rodas jautājums - kā rodas tādi draugi? I mean, I wish I had such friends. Cik ļoti nozēlojami tas ir? |
2/2/16 09:18 pm Book: Fluent Forever: How to Learn Any Language Fast and Never Forget It by Gabriel Wyner Music: Zaba by Glass Animals TV series: Friends; True Detective Drink: Green tea with ginger, lemon and honey Product: Macadamia nut oil Food: PhD Diet Whey protein Move: Air squat, kettlebell deadlift and swing Quote: "Slow down and smell the roses."
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2/2/16 09:03 pm - Some bits and pieces of The 4-Hour Body by Timothy Ferriss‘’People will think that because genes play a role in something, they determine everything. We see, again and again, people saying, “It’s all genetic. I can’t do anything about it.” That’s nonsense. To say that something has a genetic component does not make it unchangeable.’’“Cellulite is fat. Nothing special, neither a disease nor a unique female problem without solutions. It can be removed.’’ ‘’Marketers have conditioned women to believe that they need specific programs and diets “for women.” This is an example of capitalism at its worst: creating false need and confusion.’’ ‘’But what is this all-important “Harajuku Moment”? It’s an epiphany that turns a nice-to-have into a must-have. There is no point in getting started until it happens.’’ ‘’Tracking anything is better than tracking nothing.’’ ‘’Simple: logic fails. If you were to summarize the last 100 years of behavioral psychology in two words, that would be the takeaway.’’ ‘’Think of them as insurance against the weaknesses of human nature—your weaknesses, my weaknesses, our weaknesses: 1. Make it conscious. 2. Make it a game. 3. Make it competitive. 4. Make it small and temporary.’’ ‘’If you are hungry, you’re not eating enough protein and legumes at each meal.’’ ‘’If you could only do one movement for the rest of your life, do the kettlebell swing.’’ ‘’The crucial principle is to lift heavy but not hard.’’ “Based on all of the literature I’ve reviewed, the phytoestrogens in soy are dangerous for adults and, to a greater extent, children, even when used in moderation. Studies have demonstrated that just 30 grams of soy per day (about two tablespoons) for 90 days can disrupt thyroid function, and that’s in Japanese subjects. The Swiss Federal Health Service equated 100 milligrams of isoflavones (phytoestrogens) to a single birth control pill in terms of estrogenic impact. How many birth control pills are you inadvertently eating each day? FOOD TOTAL ISOFLAVONES(IN 100 G SERVING) Instant soy beverage 109.51 mg Raw soybeans (Japanese) 118.51 mg (in less than half a cup) Fried tofu 48.35 mg (7–8 small pieces) Tempeh 43.52 mg (in less than two-thirds of a cup) Common infant soy formula.’’ “So, how can you do it without soy? Answer: Either extensive whole foods, which requires prep time, or powdered protein, which requires budget. The whole-food options will be covered in the case studies, though you’ll see some soy products creep in. For supplementation, the most consistently recommended protein powders among vegan athletes are: Sun Warrior Chocolate Brown Rice Protein (rice protein) Pure Advantage Pea Protein Isolate (pea protein) Nitro Fusion Plant Fusion (rice, pea, and artichoke protein) I have also confirmed each of these as non-vomit-inducing when blended with 1–2 tablespoons of almond butter and either ice water, almond milk, or coconut milk.” “ In the course of researching and interviewing for this book, I encountered dozens of former vegan women and would-be mothers who had miscarriage after miscarriage until they reintroduced animal products into their diets, after which they were able to become pregnant in a matter of weeks.” Virtual cookie if you read them all! ^^ |
1/27/16 09:45 pmNovērojums: otro dienu pēc kārtas, pēc proteīna sākšanas (30g within 30 min after waking), ir sajūta, ka ir daudz vairāk enerģijas visas dienas garumā un labāka koncentrēšanās spēja.Oh and it is indeed like force feeding myself. Will see how it goes in long term. |
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