1/24/16 11:33 pmAnd I'm sad again. |
Andromeda
Life long story
1/24/16 02:40 am As long as I don't think about it, I'm good. Building my new perfect bubble around.
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1/23/16 03:21 pmJob: I seem to be doing quite good. Team leader was impressed. New colleagues seem to be nice yet sometimes too chatty and no wonder that hitting numbers can be not so easy. But if you zone out and "just do it", it is doable and even bearable. Didn't set up my table yet. Maybe next week?Body: Did two heavy workouts and two with kettle-bell. Slept 6-7 hours. Need to work on better sleep time. Preferably 8-9. Tried protein shakes within 30 min after waking. Didn't feel much difference, but ordered protein jar. Less hassle that way. Will start next week with it. Book: Steady progress and a lot of useful information/stuff, will be implementing in my life. Favorite word of the week: binge Thought: I am present |
1/14/16 02:21 am Book: The 4-Hour Body by Timothy Ferriss Song: Schoolboy Q - Man Of The Year TV series: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D; La Femme Nikita Workout focus: Legs and core Drink: Tea without sugar. water Food: Avocado Quote:"What we have to do is fucking hard and half-assing things won’t be tolerated." Thought: I don't know what is worse pain and sadness or numbness, or feeling meaningless. All I know, I am totally screwed up. |
1/11/16 09:29 pm - Cheeky"There was little the mainstream auto industry could do to slow Tesla down. But that didn’t stop executives from trying to be difficult whenever possible. Tesla, for example, wanted to call its third-generation car the Model E, so that its lineup of vehicles would be the Model S, E, and X—another playful Musk gag. But Ford’s then CEO, Alan Mulally, blocked Tesla from using Model E, with the threat of a lawsuit. “So I call up Mulally and I was like, ‘Alan, are you just fucking with us or are you really going to do a Model E?’” Musk said. “And I’m not sure which is worse. You know? Like it would actually make more sense if they’re just fucking with us because if they actually come out with a Model E at this point, and we’ve got the Model S and the X and Ford comes out with the Model E, it’s going to look ridiculous. So even though Ford did the Model T a hundred years ago, nobody thinks of ‘Model’ as being a Ford thing anymore. So it would just feel like they stole it. Like why did you go steal Tesla’s E? Like you’re some sort of fascist army marching across the alphabet, some sort of Sesame Street robber. And he was like, ‘No, no, we’re definitely going to use it.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, I don’t think that’s such a good idea because people are going to be confused because it’s not going to make sense. People aren’t used to Ford having Model something these days. It’s usually called like the Ford Fusion.’ And he was like, no, his guys really want to use that. That’s terrible.” After that, Tesla registered the trademark for Model Y as another joke. “In fact, Ford called us up deadpan and said, ‘We see you’ve registered Model Y. Is that what you’re going to use instead of the Model E?’” Musk said. “I’m like, ‘No, it’s a joke. S-E-X-Y. What does that spell?’ But trademark law is a dry profession it turns out."" |
1/11/16 05:26 pm Don't do it for all the wrong reasons. You will never be an unicorn, but you can try to be best you. This is not only about body.
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1/10/16 02:42 pm - Perspective They indeed look like set of tea cups.
"If you are depressed, you are living in the past, If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present." |
1/7/16 02:37 pmI have said a lot of things when I was angry and confused, and hurt. And I don't know what kind of lies and rumors people talk behind my back about me and my family. From what I know it wouldn't be the first time. Even if you heard from me directly you probably wouldn't believe me, thinking that people like me don't exist. I am honest and naive. If I choose to trust someone I trust them entirely. It is probably so easy to manipulate me too. I loved someone so much and I feel like I am ripped to pieces because once again it wasn't enough. But how can it be if it was enough for quite some time and then not? What is wrong with the picture? Something is not said. Hidden behind a sentence - I don't know. And I can't live without knowing. I need to know why. Otherwise it will haunt me for rest of my life. People don't act if they haven't made the decision and to make a decision one needs to know why and it needs to be a good why. And I wouldn't say that all the people make decisions based on good whys, but I trust that he does. Or at least I thought he would. Now I don't want to paint myself as an angel. I am no angel even though some people weirdly point out my good values. I have made a lot of mistakes. I see them. I accept them and I am willing to do better. I will not run away from consequences of my actions, but regretting them every single day and torturing myself will not get me to better. It is difficult now though, because I don't know what I did so wrong to deserve this kind of pain from person I still love and respect so much. And I am torturing myself with every little and big thing I can remember I did wrong. If I had a time machine, I would go and fix every single one of them. I've never been much of a person that just gives up, but I can't force someone to do the same for me. And yet I thought I met someone who is a lot stronger in that sense. Did I just imagine that? Maybe. I imagined - "I would never do that to you." or "I will never leave you." Or maybe not.Why it feels so wrong? When did "never" become "in this moment"? |
1/4/16 08:00 pm - Smoke's gonePārāk daudz cukura un āda uzreiz piesaka streiku. Pārāk daudz aukstuma un sejas āda piesaka streiku. Teica viņa un skaloja organismu ar pašas vākto, zāļu tēju un turpināja pucēt ziemas zābakus.Elon Musk is the fucking rocket man! |
1/4/16 01:18 amThis song has no words, but.. |
12/29/15 11:53 pm - 29/12/2015Kā ir tā iespējams vienā dienā izdomāt, ka kāds cilvēks vairs nebūs dzīvē? Vienkārši atstāt kā nevajadzīgu kucēnu. Izdomāt, ka uzmanība ir privilēģija, nesniegt patiesās domas, ignorēt vai izlikties, ka neko neredz un nedzird. Kā var pastāvēt pasaulē tāda liekulība? Jo tā ir vienkāršāk? Aizmirst visu, kas kopā būvēts un domāts. Paziņot, ka tā ir vēsture un uzlikt skaistu kapakmeni ezera krastā. Jūs teiksiet, naivā, tas taču ir normāli cilvēka dabā uzvesties kā nožēlojamam radījumam un sodīt tos, kuri mīl, kurus kādreiz mīlējām.Es nevaru to saprast un aptvert. Tad jau sanāk, ka tās visas bija muļķības no paša sākuma un nekas nebija īsts. Absolūti nekas. Tikai es biju izdomājusi, kam tādam noticēt. Ka kaut kas tāds vispār ir iespējams. "1/6/14 03:47 am - Prayer So me and you haven't had a proper chat for a while. Maybe I am just scared of cockroaches in my head. I need someone to save me and no day goes by when I wouldn't beg to God or any other higher power just to do that. I am officially bored, lonely and sick of world without meaning, because without someone, there is no meaning or if there is, I've lost it and can't seem to find it. Lord! Please, I beg of you! Tags: where are you?" So, is this a test? A stupid joke? I don't think I will ask you for anything any time soon. Fuck you! Kaut kas skan
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11/24/15 12:37 pm - 24/11/2015Vai tas kaut ko dos, ja šeit uzrakstīšu, ka man ir vientuļi? Panikas lēkmes parādās arvien biežāk. Man ir panikas lēkme tagad. Domas riņķo prātā kā apdullušas un tikai ar grūtībām spēju uzrakstīt vienkāršus nepaplašinātus un murgainus paplašinātus teikumus. Es jūtos kā nekas nevienam un pats trakākais ir tas, ka es zinu, kā ir būt kādam, bet tagad vairs nebūt. Es vairs nezinu. Neko. Es esmu viena un man ir bail palikt vienai. Kāpēc es sevi tā plosu? Kāpēc es spēju just? Reizēm es vēlos kaut nespētu. Nekas neskan
 lonely |
11/22/15 02:14 pm - 22/11/2015 Book: Elon Musk: Tesla, SpaceX, and the Quest for a Fantastic Future by Ashlee Vance Song: Schoolboy Q - Hell Of A Night TV series: Mr. Robot; Quantico Food: Tangerines Drink: Black coffee Quote: Mr. Robot: Are you a one or a zero? That's the question you have to ask yourself. Are you a yes or a no? Are you going to act or not? Elliot: Yo... you've been staring at a computer screen way too long, homie. Life's not that binary. Isn't it? Thought: Fuck..I'm stuck and unsure. Schoolboy Q - Hell Of A Night
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11/16/15 11:37 pm These four lonely walls have changed the way I feel The way I feel, I'm standing still And nothing else matters now, you're not here So where are you? "Elon genuinely thought that people would be happy to hear about the flaws in their thinking." Cute. Naughty boy, Beyonce, Arrow Benjamin - Runnin' (Lose It All)
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11/8/15 10:56 pm - 08/11/2015 Viss būs labi. Es saņemšos un būs labi. Man ir grūti atrast vārdus pat pāris rindiņām Pagaidām. Taču viss būs labi. Kavinsky - Nightcall (Dustin N'Guyen Remix)
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11/7/15 11:55 am I shall take care of myself. I shall heal my heart myself. And from now on I shall make my own decisions. And you my love..shall just deal with it. Wardruna - IwaR
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11/7/15 11:24 am - HelvegenHvem skal synge meg i daudsvevna slynge meg når eg på Helvegen går og dei spora eg trår er kalda, så kalda Eg songane søkte Eg songane sende då den djupaste brunni gav meg dråper så ramme av Valfaders pant Alt veit eg, Odin var du gjømde ditt auge Hvem skal synge meg i daudsvevna slynge meg når eg på Helvegen går og dei spora eg trår er kalda, så kalda Årle ell i dagars hell enn veit ravnen om eg fell Når du ved Helgrindi står og når du laus deg må riva skal eg fylgje deg over Gjallarbrua med min song Du blir løyst frå banda som bind deg! Du er løyst frå banda som batt deg! Døyr fe, døyr frender Døyr sjølv det sama men ordet om deg aldreg døyr vinn du et gjetord gjevt Døyr fe, døyr frender Døyr sjølv det sama Eg veit et som aldreg døyr dom om daudan kvar Wardruna - Helvegen
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10/10/15 01:03 am - ...Kā lai sadzīvoju ar sāpēm, kad redzu, ka cilvēki, kas būtu pelnījuši tikt mīlēti un sargāti saņem tieši pretējo? Digital Daggers- The Devil Within
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9/8/15 08:12 pm - 08/09/2015Es kādu laiku neesmu spējusi šeit uzrakstīt tīri atklātas domas. Cenzūra. Jā."Ar mani nav labi pēdējā laikā." - "Tās ir tikai Tavas iedomas." "Man negribas satikt cilvēkus. Es pat darbā nevēlos, ka kāds man apsēžas blakus pie galda pusdienās un kaut ko ar mani runātu vai pat skatītos kā pusdienoju." - "Tās ir tikai Tavas iedomas." "Es esmu resna." - "Tās ir tikai Tavas iedomas." "Mans apģērbs ir novalkāts līdz pēdējam un es jūtos neērti cilvēkos." - "Man patīk kā Tu ģērbies." Tās nav iedomas. Ja tās būtu iedomas, tad ar mani ir ļaunāk nekā es domāju. "Es neesmu jauka. Es šobrīd nespēju būt jauka." - "Esi jaukāka."; "Esi mīļāka."; "Esi pieklājīgāka." Man žēl, ka es lieku cilvēkiem vilties. Un man ir žēl. ka manu "žēl" uztver kā sarkasmu. Man ir žēl, ka mani cilvēki nesaprot un man ir žēl, ka cilvēki nespēj mani pieņemt tādu kādu es esmu. Tā saujiņa cilvēku, kas mani pieņem tādu kādu esmu ir vienīgie cilvēki, kuru klātbūtnē es varu nejusties žēl par to kāda esmu un tad es spēju būt arī jauka. In general. I am not happy with my life at the moment. I need time. Please? Time.  "Breathe motherfucker!" - Wim Hof Papa Roach - Gravity (feat. Maria Brink)
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8/15/15 11:19 pm - 15/08/2015Brālis gatavs skolai. Man patiešām patīk iepirkties priekš citiem un tā kā viņi to vēlas. Maroon 5 - This Summer's Gonna Hurt Like A Motherf****r
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