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[Feb. 10th, 2010|08:18 am] |
Every day I wake up, it gives me comfort to realize that there's at least one thing upon which all faiths and creeds around the world can agree: There are serious and obvious flaws in all religions except their own.
If you bite the head off of a live frog first thing in the morning, you'll know that nothing that bad will happen to you the rest of the day. Unless, of course, your job involves biting the heads off of live frogs.
The Top Signs You're Not Ready to Be a Lawyer
- Your opening argument speech starts with, "Sure, my client may have actually *done* what he's accused of..."
- You still giggle whenever someone asks about your "briefs."
- You end every discussion with, "I suppose you're right."
- You enjoy spending time with friends and family and think it would be nice to keep doing so.
- Your personal savior did just fine without a lawyer.
The Top Celebrity Facebook Status Updates
- Roger Waters: Is there anybody out there?
- CONAN O'BRIEN has Super-Poked JAY LENO. Over and over and over and over and...
- Willie Nelson: Join me at my Farmville Aid Concert
- Steve Ballmer: Excited about our new zPad. It's totally different than anything else
- TIGER WOODS, JOHN EDWARDS and DAVID DUCHOVNY joined the group "Meet Fabulous Babes Onlne!"
- Kanye West: Lemme tell ya, this Beyonce album really sucks. I don't wanna let it finish.
The Top Ways to Predict Earthquakes
- Monitor the location of "The Biggest Loser" cast.
- Deploy an array of Jell-O molds across the planet and monitor closely.
- We're always looking at fault lines from the top. Instead, journey to the center of the Earth and look at them from the bottom.
- Check on which countries have sworn pacts with the Devil.
- James Bond orders a martini with no additional instructions.
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