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[Jan. 17th, 2010|05:27 pm] |
Prediction for 2010: The states of New York and New Jersey will merge and be called New Jerk.
Fun fact: You can quickly clear an entire Saturday- night-packed coffee shop by having a discreet but spirited conversation on the interrelated topics of cryonics, DARPA research on suspended animation uses on the battlefield, and the forensics research facility known as "The Body Farm." Or at least *I* can.
I've finally come up with a job title that describes all those late nights spent on the Internet: Pornologist.
The Top Signs You're Watching Low-Quality Porn
- Annoying dialogue consisting of intelligent, fully comprehensible sentences.
- Hard to tell what's happening in the shower scene through the fogged-up camera lens.
- You can see banana bits in the yogurt they're squirting.
- Low battery light indicator starts blinking in the corner of the screen.
- The money shot? Five minutes of a bank teller making change.
- The title "Anal Organism" wasn't a misprint. It's E. coli porn.
- That guy has terrible aim; he keeps missing and hitting the actress in the *face* instead!
- Features inflatable women and deflated men.
- You're pretty sure you would have still gotten all of the awful double-entendres without the laugh track.
- What looks like a recurring appearance by a well-hung Muppet turns out to be just an errant boom mike.
- "Debbie Does Des Moines" was filmed entirely at Shady Acres Rest Home.
- You're pretty sure that Sham-Wow dude was playing the pizza delivery guy.
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