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[Dec. 16th, 2009|09:05 am] |
The fact of the matter is that after Monday and Tuesday, even the *calendar* says W T F!
So much for threatening my retiree husband that I'm gonna swap him for two 30-year-olds. He just grins and asks if he can watch.
It's sad how many people are afraid of change. As long as you keep coins out of your mouth and ears, they can't hurt you.
Nothing in life brings quite as much pleasure as watching children at play. Of course, a close second would be watching a cat with a wad of duct tape stuck to his paw.
The Top Benefits of Texting and Tweeting
- Teens can avoid the embarrassment of squeaking voice change during puberty.
- It's an excellent source of real-time news and information that offer valuable-- ooh, look! Erik Estrada had a chili dog for lunch!
- Texting drivers helpfully thin the herd.
- Eliminates that pesky "eye contact" when women break up with you.
- It assures that evolutionary natural selection continues to opt for opposable thumbs.
- Texting "URX" is the most efficient way of dumping someone.
- Texting instead of talking means less exhaling of CO2, which means you're being "green" and helping save the planet. (Just don't mention that you run through five batteries a week.)
- At least they're spending time reading and not watching mindless TV shows.
The Top Advantages of Robotic Fish
- Fewer calories than muppet fish.
- You can replace all of those fancy lures with a big magnet.
- "Finding Nemo" stage show moves closer to reality, although we're not sure that qualifies as an advantage.
- They never swim around with a dangling strand of fish poop.
- Rotting robot smell is a lot less nauseating.
- Salmon swim upstream. Robo-salmon swim upstairs.
- You can program them to roto-root your pipes when it comes time to flush them.
- Much easier to school.
- Easier for the Jacques Cousteau film crew to film.
- Fish-sticks likely to replace memory-sticks for long term storage.
- Finding Nemo is a lot easier when Nemo is equipped with a GPS locator.
- Great sport fishing even in Love Canal and Lake Erie.
- When you find one floating upside down in your garden pool you just need to change the batteries.
- The only mercury will be in the batteries and is easily removable.
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