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[Dec. 10th, 2009|08:17 am] |
To err is human; to um and uh and say "you know" repeatedly makes you come off as a borderline-illiterate rube.
The key to life is the little things, like all the characters you meet along the way. That's what really makes the whole multi-state killing spree worthwhile.
The Top Signs You've Got Too Many Cats
- There's more fur on your couch than in a 1970s porn film.
- Your Twitter account, @PussyGalore, has nothing to do with sexual promiscuity or fondness for James Bond films.
- Your friends have stopped-- oh, who are we kidding? You don't have any friends.
- Last time you tried to eat a tuna sandwich, it took a team of surgeons to reattach your arm.
- The dogs have started a Neighborhood Watch for protection when they go for walks.
- UPS now accepts paw prints in lieu of your signature.
- The National Audubon Society has set up a no-fly zone around your house.
- You used to name your cats after songs by Cat Stevens. Unfortunately, after "Wild World" had her eighth litter, you're now into his Yusuf Islam albums and "Was Dog a Doughnut?" just doesn't make any sense.
- That beautiful shag carpeting certainly wasn't there when you moved in. In fact, you distinctly remember tiles.
- You're the only one the local "crazy cat lady" can turn to when she needs to borrow a cup of kittens.
- Today PETA sent you a large bag and drowning instructions.
- Your furniture style is "Early Fur."
- The Great Wall of China: visible from space.
Your house: smellable from space.
- You spend more on tuna than Japan.
- You can no longer reach the bathroom, but what the hell -- it's *your* litter box, too, dammit!
- So much cat hair, walking from your bedroom to your kitchen requires snowshoes.
- Throngs of Celine Dion fans gather daily in your front yard for the concerts.
The Top Best Ways to Say You're Not Getting a Bonus
- "As Ronald Reagan would say: If each of your bonus dollars represented one person, your bonus would equal the population of the moon."
- "Anyone remember the plot to 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation'?"
- "Thanks to your (involuntary) sacrifice, our CEO won't have to get rid of one of his islands."
- "The good news is you still steal all the office supplies you need."
- "This definitely will be a December to Remember."
- "We are minimizing your tax implications."
- "Please accept these silver nothings as a token of our appreciation."
- "Congratulations, you get to sleep in on Black Friday."
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