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[Dec. 9th, 2009|08:59 am] |
As an animal lover, I think dog fighting is evil and cruel. I do have to admit, however, that Dog Professional Wrestling has a lot of potential.
While some refer to it alcohol or booze, this time of year, it's more accurate to call it "Family Holiday Survival Fluid."
I overheard my apartment neighbor telling his Mafia bosses about a guy he whacked. I'm gonna ask him if he'd be willing to give me $20,000 to keep my mouth shut about it. I figure the worst he can do is say "No," right?
Is it a bad sign that I'm wrapping Christmas gifts and the only colored ribbon around the house is crime scene tape?
I feel pretty bad because my sister-in-law is very, very ill, but it could be worse. It could have been my other sister-in-law, the one who gives better gifts.
The Top Future Internet Businesses
- iWomb: Webcam lets you watch your fetus become Freddie or Frida and automatically uploads the video to YouTube.
- Sexbot Personality Download Emporium. Need we say more?
- Unspam: Pay interns in Nigeria to monitor your inbox and remove undesirable messages.
- LoveGlove: Rework your tactile feedback glove to fit your "special" areas.
- Hooter Rooter: Deletes those embarrassing Spring Break topless pictures off your Facebook page.
- BotOrNot.com: Figures out if someone is really an android.
- PayPal.gov: Lets companies request their bailout payments online for faster service.
The Top Least-Loved Holiday Songs
- Christmas Time is Here Again (Except for You, You Little Jew)
- Angels We Have Heard While High
- You're a Mean One, Mr. Beck
- O Come, All Ye Hateful
- I'm Dreaming of a Chris Whitemas
- It Came Upon a Midnight Blue Dress
- Confess, You Merry Suspected Terrorist!
- All I Want for Christmas Is an Xbox 360, Xbox Live Membership, Wireless Controllers... Hey Dad, Aren't You Going to Write This Down?
- Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow!
- Jed's Nuts Roasting on a Burning Tire
- Hydrant Got Run Over by a Tiger
- Who Let the Elves Out?
- God Bless Ye, Hefty Breast Implants
- I Gave You My Heart, You Gave Me a Snuggie
- The 12 Days of Christmas and the 50 Days of Relentless Commercial Advertising
- Oy to the World
- Ronald, the Red-Butt Baboon
- I'm Ohm for the Holidays, So Stop Resisting
- Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer -- and They Sleighed Grandpa
- All I Want for Christmas Is Two of My Front Teeth and Some More Meth
- It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Gift-less
- What Child Is This, and What Kind of Parents Keep Their Child in Such Unsanitary Conditions?
- I'll Be Home Foreclosure
- Mele Kalikimaka Means You're Getting Kaka
- Check for Balls on Lady GaGa
- I Saw "Dateline" Busting Santa Claus
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