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[Nov. 18th, 2009|11:39 am] |
Contrary to the old Doors song, when you're strange, *everyone* remembers your name. Well, at least it's true in my experience, especially those law enforcement guys.
Not only is child pornography immoral, hurtful and wrong, I'll bet the kids can't even hold the camera steady.
I can imagine my just-put-to-bed son asking for water, and as I hand him a glass he'll now refuse it indignantly, saying, "I want MOON* water." Thanks a freakin' bunch NASA.
The Top Wii Games for Christmas 2009
- Avatars Gone Wild(TM): Convince random girls on screen to flash you for a t-shirt.
- Baby change: Manipulate a screaming 2-month-old through a change. Bonus level: Boys.
- Voting booth: Pull the lever and nothing happens.
- xBox 360 Emulator: Get as many apps to work as you can without triggering the Red Circle of Death.
- COPS: Users wave a virtual gun at the screen while wearing a sleeveless white undershirt. Extra points for cursing in Spanish or slurring in incomprehensible drunk redneck English.
- Wii Government: Learn to write 1,000, 5,000 and 10,000 page bills that no one can understand.
- Road rage: Users angrily shake their fists and extend their middle fingers to get points.
- Wii Burger: Practice the flipping motion of turning burgers on the grill as that is the only job you are qualified for.
- George Michael Meets Larry Craig: Users tap their feet in rhythm to the music to try to make as many friends as possible.
- Wii Masturbation: If you're reading this post we do not have to explain it to you.
The Top Internet Romantic Comedies
- My Big Fat Geek Download
- Sleepless in My Mom's Basement
- The Scarlet e-Mail
- Tweetless in Seattle
- When Harry Friended Sally
- How to Lose a Password in Ten Days
- Gentlemen Prefer Blogs
- Sex in the Second Life City
- He's Just Not That Into YouTube
Charles Kao, the former head of my university, won 1/3 of the 2009 Nobel Prize in Physics for optical fibers. Maybe his Nobel Medal could be made of fused silica.
The Top Novel Nobel Medal Media
- Barack Obama: Protactium in celebration of his professional use of tact, which so eluded his predecessor.
- Melvin Schwartz, 1/3 of 1988 Nobel Prize in Physics: Gold, as usual, but with two medals soldered together.
- William Shockley, 1/3 of 1956 Nobel Prize in Physics: Silicon, but only *white* silicon.
- Barack Obama: Smoke, mirrors and hope.
- Ada Yonath, Elizabeth Blackburn, Carol Greider, Herta Muller, and Elinor Ostrom: Gallium (the Nobel committee has a lot to learn about feminism.)
- Al Gore: A big block of ice encasing his medal for An Inconvenient Truth."
The Top "Kind of Bad" Things That Can Happen on Friday the 13th
- Your annual prostate exam reveals a mass, but it turns out to only be a large insect.
- You run back out to your car parked in the handicapped spot to find it circled by the "49th Street Wheelchairs" gang.
- You sneeze all over the dinner you're cooking -- but no one is in the kitchen with you.
- South-flying geese have bombarded your car, but in a delicate pastel fresco of the Virgin Mary.
- You double-booked the end of the world and a dentist appointment on your Mayan calendar.
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