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[Nov. 7th, 2009|11:18 am] |
They say dogs can smell fear, but I think they're just smelling that you've crapped your pants.
Momma always said "Life is like a box of chocolates," but so are hookers. The good ones always cost more, and sometimes you get a surprise when you unwrap them.
The Top Plotline Ideas for "Saw VII"
- Norm Abrams builds something requiring smaller pieces of wood.
- Two children raise and lower each other using a lever-like piece of playground equipment.
- The ghost of Billy Mays stalks everyone with an Awesome Auger.
- Jigsaw's doll dismembers Jeff Dunham and company.
- The characters intentionally kill themselves off so there is no chance they will be in "Saw VIII."
- Jigsaw sets up franchises in Miami and NY.
- Things go terribly wrong after Stihl and Husqvarna rebuild their corporate offices on an old Indian burial ground.
- The writers and directors of the first six films are tracked down and mercilessly eviscerated.
The Top 9 Little Signs That Life Is Fair
- It used to be that only the wealthy and powerful had to worry about their secrets being exposed. Now, with the Internet, we're ALL vulnerable!
- Brad and Angelina are probably too worn out from the kids to have much sex.
- As a wastewater plant operator, I don't have to worry about my employer testing for performance enhancing drugs like those millionaire baseball players do.
- People who engage in stupid, brainless stunts sometimes die.
- Your husband is a couch potato, beer-swilling, lazy sonofabitch, but at least you have one. Hear THAT, Jennifer Aniston?
- Bill Gates is the brunt of a whole lot more jokes than you are. And that means a lot to your tired, whipped-ass-all-your-life soul.
- You don't have to spend money on CPAs to keep your finances straight. A $5 calculator will do just fine.
- Being homeless = No Mortgage!
- With average weight in America moving steadily upward, I'm more like a trend-setter than a tubby couch potato. Go me!
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