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[Oct. 23rd, 2009|07:51 am] |
My wife said I was like a wild animal last night. But in all honesty, it's probably less about my sexual prowess and more about how I tend to relieve myself wherever I want.
Why would anyone want to have a fish for a pet? You can't teach them to sit, and the only way you can get them to roll over is to not feed them for a week.
The Top Passages From the Conservative Bible
- Jesus spoke on the mount and just as he said "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven," a lone voice in the crowd shouted, "You lie!"
- It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a liberal-controlled Congress to pass a health-care bill.
- Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. Not that I have any objections to capital punishment, you understand...
- So the Lord God banished the brown people from the gated community of Eden, allowing them to returneth only during the day with landscaping tools.
- And Moses spake at the burning bush: "That'll teach you to run around with every man in town, you harlot! Now go get a shot of penicillin."
The Top Signs Your SO Is Not Readjusting to Stateside Life
- Uses claymores to keep the rabbits out of the vegetable garden.
- Takes "riding shotgun" literally.
- Keeps referring to the punk teenagers up the street as "insurgents".
- Refuses to use any water that doesn't come out of a jerry can.
- Sprinkles all her food with sand.
- Tells almost everyone he meets, "Get a haircut!"
- He hit his thumb with a hammer, curled into a ball and started screaming for a Medic.
- Refers to your pressure cooker as an IED.
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