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[Oct. 14th, 2009|07:45 am] |
Okay, I've got the deuterium and the tritium. Shall I fuse them to create Cold Fusion which would solve mankind's energy needs, or shall I just blow up the entire planet? In future ethics classes, this is probably going to be known as "Maurizio's Dilemma." If there ARE future ethics classes, of course.
Maurizio Mariotti
We just brought a new dog home from the pound, and our old cat suddenly started making hacking and spitting sounds, puffing up, and squinting. Who knew cats could be allergic to dogs?
Mark Spence
The Top Features of Microsoft's Mobile Phone
- It uses four hours of airtime every month downloading automatic updates.
- 911 calls are rerouted to a tech support center in New Delhi.
- The ability to store up to 64 phone numbers should be enough for anybody.
- GPS is accurate to the millimeter, but only tells you your distance from Redmond.
- While having your contacts stored in convenient Excel format is nice, being forced to sit through a PowerPoint presentation to view your photos is too much.
- Much cooler than the old flip or slider phones, it opens by removing four sheet metal screws.
- With every button you press, an annoying keyboard-shaped mascot named "Texty" pops up and says, "It looks like you're trying to send a text message. Can I help you with that?"
The Top Effects of Fertilizing Tomatoes with Urine
- Strangely, they never redden; they just stay yellow.
- All your tomatoes wind up the shape of cucumbers.
- Shiitake mushrooms now have a natural side-dish.
- Tomatoes have now officially moved below saw-grass on your list of edible vegetables.
- They taste just like peas.
- They grow much better than the peppers you've been farting on.
The Top Stunt Casting Ideas
- Eddie Murphy as all Twelve Angry Men.
- The Osbourne family in "Meet the F$%#ing Fockers."
- Damon, Shawn, Marlon and Keenan Ivory Wayans as Daniel, Stephen, William and Alec Baldwin in "White Boyz."
- Biopic "Gene Pool" starring Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston as Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and Nicole Kidman.
- How about Woody Allen appears in a comedy?
- R2D2 as Kim Cattrall's vibrator in "Sex and the City: Mr. Really Big"
- Movie version of the TV series "Chuck" with Charles Durning, Charles Grodin, Chuck Barris, and Chuck Berry. Re-titled "Bill."
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