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[Aug. 11th, 2009|11:20 am] |
When my boss said, "There's no 'i' in 'team'" for the thousandth time, I blurted out, "There's no 'i' in 'butthole' either, or for that matter, in 'Kiss my ass!" It was at that point that I realized my error. That damn "i" is everywhere!
Mark Beeghly
I love laying around and chillin' the day away at the pool, but inevitably some idiot starts choking, gasping and thrashing about, making this lifeguard gig, like, TOTALLY SUCK ASS.
Brad Simanek
Green, red... no, yellow, *then* red. Dang!! There's a pattern here, I'm sure, but I just can't figure it out with all these people honking at me.
Matthew Palmer
The Top Signs a Lawyer Is an Ex-Ballerina
- "Permission to engage the witness in a pas de deux?"
- Nimbly prances around the overwhelming evidence against her client, and spins quite a case for reasonable doubt.
- Upon requesting to approach, she completes three full pirouettes and a grand jete before bowing to the bench.
- Around the family court, she wears her nickname "The Nutcracker" like a badge of honor.
- His pin-striped pants are really, REALLY tight.
The Top Internet Urban Legends
- Short on funds, DARPA is now generating revenue from porn.
- A teen girl babysitting her neighbor's kids traced a denial of service attack on her blog only to discover it was coming from inside her own server!
- When you instant message someone on Facebook, you've instant messaged with everyone THEY'VE ever instant messaged with. EVER.
- Most spam is created by IBM so they can sell more servers.
- The "decision engine" in bing.com is based on Steve Ballmer's brain.
- Steve Jobs walks around nude; due to a rare disease, his skin just looks like a black turtleneck and blue jeans.
- Amazon was given that name since all orders are filled by large, strong, blonde women.
- The amount of power needed to run Google each year is more than generated by Darfur.
- Tamagotchis brought home from Japan by tourists and flushed down toilets survived and grew into a supercomputer network in the New York City sewer system.
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